Seventeen Reasons Why
by Finntastic17
Summary: Rachel commits suicide, and in her remembrance leaves 17 CDs explaining why she did what she did. As Finn listens to them, he realizes he didn't really know that much about her. And he begins to her understand why she made the choice she did. AU post 2x16. Finchel plus other character developments. Based off Jay Asher's '13 Reasons Why'.
1. Prologue: Famous Last Words

**So I started reading this book called 'Thirteen Reasons Why' by Jay Asher, and the whole time I've been reading it, I kept thinking of Rachel. Does anyone else notice how much her life sucks? She is constantly getting bullied and put down, not just by the regular bullies, but also by her so-called friends. Her dream is to meet her mom, and once she does, she realizes that her mom doesn't want her; she wanted her baby back. So what does Shelby do? She adopts Quinn's daughter. I'm not sure whether or not Rachel knows, but I'm assuming she does. How would you feel if you had been replaced? Because that's pretty much what she was: replaced. Jesse used her and played her heart, and as if that wasn't bad enough, he had to egg her. She was probably not only heartbroken, but humiliated. And on top of that, she was a vegan. Imagine how she felt. Then she finally gets the guy she wants: Finn Hudson. They're close, they love each other, and then she finds out about his night with Santana. She finds out he lied to her about being a virgin. If it had been Finn who told her instead, I think Rachel wouldn't have reacted in such a dramatic way, but Santana told her instead. Rachel was hurt, angry, and upset, and at the time, the only way to satisfy her troubling emotions was hurting Finn the same way he hurt her. So she did something that she definitely regretted: kissed Puck. But, hey, at least she had been honest with Finn. She didn't want her mistake to come between them and mess up their relationship like his lie had. But Finn couldn't see past her flaw and broke up with her. So, as you can see, Rachel's life kind of sucks. Thus her reason for committing suicide in this story. I hope you enjoy it. The prologue is entitled 'Last Words'.**

They all noticed the severe change in Rachel's behavior. She lost drastic amounts of weight in such little time, she never sang, she lost all motivation to continue being the conceited person that made her Rachel, and she hardly ever spoke. Her clothes changed from cutesy, schoolgirl-type outfits to loose-fitting T-shirts and jeans. The spark that was in her eye died.

The last words anyone ever heard Rachel Berry say were, 'No, thank you, Mr. Schuester', as he had attempted to offer her yet another solo. She told them she wasn't going to be able to perform it. At this, Mercedes scoffed. Rachel…not being able to perform a solo? Yeah, right. Yet Mercedes still took it with eager eyes.

They never expected those words to be Rachel's last words. If they knew, Mercedes probably wouldn't have taken the solo. They also didn't expect Rachel's words to be taken so literally. The thing is, she wouldn't have been able to perform it because she never came back.

The next day at school, everyone noticed that Rachel's chair was empty. No one thought anything of it; perhaps Rachel had gotten sick or didn't feel like coming to school (again).

Oh, but it was much more then that. Weeks later, after seeing Rachel's seat empty, they all grew worried. Where had the petite yet powerful singer disappeared to?

A call came in the next day. Rachel had been found dead in her room. She had swallowed a bunch of pills, and they did their work. They gave Rachel the satisfaction of a slow yet not-so-painful death. It was suicide, the officers had told them. They all cried and wondered why she would do something so cruel to herself. What on earth would cause Rachel Berry to want to take her own life away? Was she really that upset?

Figgins assembled the entire student body in the gym during first and second period. He talked about Rachel, her personality, and how she fought hard to change the school, even if she had no one following behind her. In a way, it was like a funeral. A memorial for a student who was known by many, but loved by few.

No one really paid attention to his speech, or any of the other teachers' speeches, for that matter. They yawned, talked to one another, or stared at Figgins with bored expressions. No one honestly cared about Rachel's suicide. No one, except the glee club, even noticed that she had been gone.

The memorial then turned into a lecture. Even if life was hard on you, suicide was never the answer. People needed to talk about their issues with other people.

In honor of Rachel's life, they started what was called 'Gold Star Awareness'. It had been Mr. Schuester's idea. They hung gold stars everywhere around town. The school's campus was filled with the bright golden cardboard stars.

Almost all of them were defaced by the uncaring student body.

**So, is it good? Should I continue? As you can see, this story is entitled 'Seventeen Reasons Why'. So we can all conclude that there are seventeen people involved in Rachel's choice to end her life. We can all guess that Finn is one of them, but not for the reasons you all think XD. This story will also explore Rachel's freshman year (since the show failed to do that) and maybe even before high school. The next chapter will be the chapter Finn receives the CDs. I didn't want to do tapes like book, and CDs aren't outdated yet. So, enjoy! Please read my other stories! Like my Facebook page entitled 'Finntastic17- Fanfiction'. And, most importantly, please review! One more thing: the first person to guess all seventeen people will win an exclusive update of any of my stories!**


	2. Chapter 1: Karofsky

**So here is the first chapter of 'Seventeen Reasons Why'. I hope you all liked the prologue! Finn receives the CDs in this chapter, and begins listening to the first one, dreading the moment he finds the one with his story and his role in Rachel's life and her decision to commit suicide. Whenever you see large amounts of text written in **_italics_**, that means Rachel is talking (in recorded form, of course). So in this chapter, as I mentioned earlier, the first out of seventeen reasons for Rachel's suicide is introduced, and the story is told. Please enjoy! And now, I'm very sure you will be able to guess from the title, this chapter is entitled 'Karofsky'.**

The shoebox was propped on its side on Finn's doorstep. With a frown, he picked it up. It was addressed to him, but there was no return address. He sighed, pulled his keys out of his pocket, and unlocked his front door, stepping inside. He tossed the shoebox onto his couch and walked off to his room. He threw his backpack to the floor, grabbed a pair of scissors, and walked back out to the living. He picked up the shoebox and used the scissors to slice through the clear packing tape.

When he finally managed to get rid of all the packing tape, he lifted the lid to find several CD cases. He frowned; they were each labeled with different numbers, from one to seventeen. Finn picked up the box and slowly made his way to his room, rummaging through his piles of random stuff until he finally found his CD player. He plugged it in, opened the lid, and placed the first CD inside. Without hesitation, he closed the lid and sat on his bed, listening to the gentle humming of the CD spinning around in the player.

_I don't need to say who I am, do I?_ He recognized that voice. With wide eyes, he quickly pressed the pause button. There was no way; this wasn't possible. With a shaky hand, he carefully pressed the play button again.

_Well, maybe I do, to those of you barely acknowledged me. That's right, Azimo, I'm talking to you. It's me, your former classmate Rachel Berry. Do you miss me? Probably not. Do you even notice that I'm not in class anymore? Once again, probably not. So this confirmation: yes, Rachel Berry is gone. She is dead. _

Finn wanted to believe it was all a dream. He remembered when he found out about Rachel's suicide. He wanted to kill himself, too. There was no way he could continue living his life without Rachel. And now, she was talking to him through a CD player.

_As you can see, there are seventeen CDs, one for each person on the list. If you're on that list, guess what? You played a role in my life. But don't get too excited; it wasn't a good role. You all are one of the reasons I decided to do what I did._

Finn paused it again, suddenly feeling very angry. What had Rachel been thinking when she recorded herself? Was she doing this for attention? To make everyone feel guilty? It just wasn't right. He picked up the list; each name written on their in Rachel's neat calligraphy had a mailing address. Sure enough, he was on the list. In fact, he was first on the list. He wondered if that meant he was first on the CDs. He sighed and pressed play again.

_Included in this amazing anthology of my life is a list of all seventeen of you, complete with mailing addresses, as I mentioned earlier. Your instructions are as followed: to mail them to the next person on the list. Don't give a returning address; just mail them to whoever is next. And I'll know if you don't keep sending them. I have people watching out for me. Besides, they'll make it to you either way; I made back ups. _

Now that I'm done giving instructions, we might as well begin. Oh, and before I start, just because your name is one of the firsts on the list, it doesn't mean you're going to be the first one to be given an explanation. It just means that I wanted you to be one of the first to receive my final words. So I'll give you some advice: stick with me and listen to all the CDs.

_All right, let's begin. Most of you went to middle school with me, too. So you all knew that Lima Middle School was definitely worse then William McKinley High School. But I wasn't nearly as outspoken as I was in high school. Those of you who knew me probably knew that. As some would say, I became more annoying in high school. Maybe this is true, but I consider it being motivated and working hard to achieve my dreams._

_Back to what I was saying, middle school was even worse then high school. Yet, in a way, it was also better. I actually had friends in middle schools. It wasn't just the creeps that agreed with that fact that I was pretty, smart, and talented. But the cute guys agreed, too._

_Now we reach our first story. The first time a guy had a crush on me. Though he would never admit it, he was obsessed with me. Sorry, Karofsky, but your secret is about to come out. Yep, he was in L-O-V-E with me. Sadly, though, I didn't reciprocate those feelings. I had my eye on someone else. _

_It all started in math class…Pre-Algebra, to be exact. Seventh grade. Mr. Robin (does anyone else remember him?) had assigned us new seats, and I was assigned to be Dave Karofsky's table partner. It wasn't that I was against the idea…it was just, well, maybe I was against the idea. I spoke with Mr. Robin after class after ignoring Karofsky throughout the whole class period. I asked him if I could be moved. It wasn't that I didn't like Karofsky; it was just that I had never really gotten to know him. I told Mr. Robin that I would feel much more comfortable if I was sitting with someone I knew better, say, Matt Rutherford (I wouldn't have been too excited to have been sitting next to Matt, either, but I would have taken him any day). _

_Mr. Robin explained to me that Karofsky was a struggling student and needed a lot of help. Since I was one of the brightest students in his class, he hoped that maybe I would help him do better. This made me feel a bit better. So the next day, I came into class and sat down next to Dave, pulling out my textbook and opening it to the correct page. He stared at me like I was a freak, and maybe I was, but followed my example. _

_Mr. Robin explained the new chapter and gave us our assignment. I pulled two pieces of notebook paper, handed one to Dave, and began my own work. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Dave just sitting and staring at the blank piece of paper. I glanced up from my work and asked him a simple question._

_"Do you not understand the work?" He flashed me an unsure smile. Please note, this was long before he became the biggest ass in the city. That's right, Karofsky; it was because of you Kurt transferred to Dalton Academy, and you are a reason for my committing suicide. I hope you feel guilty now. _

_"I'm just not good at math." He replied in a mumble. I sighed and began explaining the process to him, leaning over his shoulder and gently telling him how to solve these types of problems. He nodded, frowning, and began to work. Moments later, he showed be his piece of paper._

_"Like this?" He checked. I beamed at him, smiling widely._

_"Exactly like that. Great job." I praised him. We continued working separately, me checking his answers every couple of minutes. I was surprised at just how fast he learned. We both finished out class work in minutes and turned it in. At the end of class, Mr. Robin gave us our homework assignment. Then the bell rang, and we all shuffled out of the classroom and started off to lunch. _

_"Do you think you'll be fine tonight?" I asked him._

_"I don't know." He admitted, stopping and staring me at me. It was like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. Even back then, his gaze made me feel wary. "It seems harder then the class work."_

_It meant nothing to me, but it sure as hell meant something to Dave Karofsky. In a hurried fashion, not wanting to be last in the lunch line (again), I scribbled down my cell phone number on a torn piece of paper and handed it to him._

_"Call me or text me if you have any questions." I told him as I hurried away just as the bell rang._

Finn paused the CD, closing his eyes as he began absorbing all the information. He remembered, when the guys were supposed to change in the guy's locker room for P.E., Karofsky telling Finn about a certain girl who was obsessed with him. He didn't know that it was _**him**_ who was obsessed with this girl, and he certainly didn't know the girl was Rachel.

_You texted me later, Dave, remember? I do. I was about to take a shower and you texted me probably the most mundane text I have ever received. It read, 'hey'. I remember thinking back then just how boring and overused the word 'hey' was. I replied, though, with the same simple word. Moments later, I received another text from you. I sighed and put my clothes back on, stepping out of the bathroom as I realized this conversation could go on forever._

_'What's up?' read the next text message._

_'About to shower.' I replied, hoping you would catch a hint. I should have known you wouldn't._

_'That's hot.' I remember reading that message over and over, wondering if you had really just said that. Has anyone ever told you that the mind of a high school boy is probably the most disgusting mind ever? They're right, and the same applies for middle school boys, too._

_'Excuse me?' I texted back, still beyond shocked._

_'Nothing. I was just messing with you.' He replied. I could almost see his smirk right there._

_'Dave, let's get to the point. Why are you really texting me?' I asked him. I was growing tired of waiting and just wanted to get my shower over with. Reruns of 'I Love Lucy' were about to come on and I think, back then, I would've killed myself (no pun intended) if I missed an episode._

_'You said I could text you whenever.'_

_'If you were having trouble with the homework.' I corrected him, rolling my eyes._

_'I do need help.' He texted back._

_'With what problem?'_

_'Can you come over to my house and help me?' He texted. My eyes widened at the text. You had quite the nerve, Dave, asking me to your house when I hardly even knew you. Who did you take me for? One of the seventh grade high school wannabes (cough, cough…Santana)? That's not who I am, nor who I was. I'm sure you would disagree with me, Finn, but it's the honest truth. I am not a whore. And I never was. _

Finn closed his eyes and hung his head in his hands in despair.

_'Excuse me?' I repeated. It seemed to be all I could say._

_'My dad isn't home.' He replied. They say that most middle school kids acting like high school kids were girls. But they were wrong. A prime example of a seventh grade high school wannabe was Dave Karofsky. And he was a guy._

_'I can't. My dads need me to stay home to look after my little cousin.' Yes, Dave, if you haven't figured it out yet, that was a lie. I don't have any cousins. Well, at least, that I know of. Maybe they'll end up coming to my funeral._

It was a sick joke. Finn thought it was probably one of the worst ones he had ever heard. And that said a lot, as he had heard some pretty bad ones.

_'Bummer.' You said. _

_'Just text me the problem you're having trouble with.' I told you._

_'I already figured it out.' I rolled my eyes and closed my phone. Part of me knows now that you never really had a problem. You wanted me to come over to get into my pants. But you learned the hard way, Dave, that Rachel Berry isn't that easy to get a hold of. We didn't text again that night, and I didn't miss my reruns._

The next day of school, you were all over me. Don't even try to lie about it; you made it quite obvious. Shall we start from the beginning? I walked in and found you waiting at my locker with that same uncertain smile on your face. I remember stopping midstep before gathering my courage and lifting my head, walking over to my locker and pretending I didn't see you. I opened the door, grabbed my books, and closed it, starting to walk away. But, Dave, you never gave up. And I praise you for that; you fought for what you wanted. And you fought hard. It may be a bit late saying this now, but you were the inspiration for my sudden change in personality. I wanted to be as dedicated to what I wanted as you were. Which is why I fought so hard to become a star.

There was a long pause. Finn wondered if maybe the CD was done, but he heard Rachel's voice again. It came out as a soft whisper.

_It was why I fought so hard for you, Finn._

Those words hurt so much. She had fought for him, and when she finally won, he took her down and tossed her aside. Because she had made a mistake. He made several mistakes and she always forgave him.

_But your CD comes later, baby. It's Karofsky's turn now, and his story is still unfinished. _

_So I continued down the hallway, and you followed me, Dave. You followed me at a slow jog, making sure I wouldn't leave your eyesight. And then…you grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. I saw the hurt in your eyes, and I will admit now, I was guilty. I was pushing you aside._

_"What's up?" He asked me. And I knew he didn't mean in the 'what are you doing tonight?' sort of way. He meant it in the 'why the cold shoulder?' sort of way. I sighed and said five simple words to you. I understand now that those five simple words must have hurt you, Dave. I thought that you had overreacted, but it wasn't an overreaction._

_"I'm not interested in you." I said simply, flipping my hair behind my shoulder. I saw your face, Dave. Though you would never admit it, you were hurt. You were upset. I was your first real crush, and I had rejected you. The look of hurt soon vanished and your face instead contorted into one of rage._

_"Yeah, well, I was never interested in you." You dramatically turned away and stormed down the hallway, pushing Kurt into the lockers on your way out of the school. I'm sorry, Kurt, but I think that's how the daily bullying began. I never knew he would take his anger to that level._

_Even though Mr. Robin repeatedly threatened you with referrals that would eventually lead to expulsion, you refused to sit with me. Remember that, Dave? And I was stuck sitting alone._

_Seventh grade came and went, and eighth grade flew by even faster. Then came high school. Over the summer, I decided that I would spend the rest of my high school career focused on becoming a star. I was motivated, dedicated, and ready._

_The first video I posted was on the fourth day of school. I was singing Leona Lewis's 'I Will Be'. Only moments after I posted, I received my first comment. It was from none other then the star of our magnificent little story, Dave Karofsky. And you know what that comment said?_

Finn knew what it said. He remembered the Cheerios giggling about it in the halls the next day. Even then, not knowing Karofsky very well, Finn thought that only an ass would have left a comment like that. And he wanted to punch him for doing that to her.

_I'm sure you remember, Dave. For your sake, I won't repeat it. I think I've revealed enough about you. _

_And that, my friends, is the story of Dave Karofsky. Of course, I hadn't even considered suicide at this time. No, I was still happy and optimistic. But two days ago, before I finally made my decision, you and Azimo cruelly and brutally slushied me. I was humiliated. I don't mean to make you feel guilty, hun, but at that moment, as I listened to nearly all of the student body laugh and point at me, I made my choice. _

_And that brings us to the end of this CD. If you're Dave, you don't have to listen to anymore of the CDs if you don't want to. If you haven't heard your part yet, I encourage you to keep listening. _

_Ta-ta for now. _

The CD stopped spinning in the player, and Finn knew it had ended. With sweaty hands, he carefully opened the lid. He grabbed the CD and carefully placed it back in its case. Then he placed it in the shoebox and grabbed the second case. He missed Rachel. He wished he had been there sooner. He wished he could turn back time and stop these events from happening.

He didn't care how much trouble he would get in. He would make sure to punch Karofsky tomorrow at school.

**And the first CD comes to an end. What did you think? Who knew Rachel and Karofsky had such history? I thought that would be an interesting story to tell. And it was perfect in Rachel's situation, in my opinion. So here are three options for the next story to be told. You tell me which one I should do next. Your three options are Tina, Mr. Schuester, and Puck. Before you all start making assumptions, I will warn you now that I won't end this story with a cliché and make Finn's story come last. His will be somewhere in the middle. And it won't be all rainbows and unicorns, either. I will tell you this, though: the last CD will be Emma Pillsbury's CD. You'll see why later on…anyways, please like my Facebook fanpage! Read my other stories! And review! One last thing: those of you who are a fan of my story 'In the End, It's Right', expect an update by Tuesday at the latest!**


	3. Chapter 2: Will Schuester

**So here is the second chapter of 'Seventeen Reasons Why'. Thank you so much for all the kind reviews! I appreciate them so much! I received many opinions on whose chapter this should be. The three options were Puck, Tina, and Mr. Schuester. The majority voted for Mr. Schuester, three voted for Tina, and one voted for Puck. So, obviously, this chapter belongs to the one and only Will Schuester. Mr. Schuester isn't on Rachel's list for not giving her more solos or recognizing her stardom like he should have. No, Mr. Will Schuester is on Rachel's list because he didn't care enough. Yep. So please enjoy this wonderful update. It won't be the best one, as I was in a hurry to finish writing it, but it'll do for now. Enjoy!**

Finn scrambled to his mom's room and desperately searched through her pile of clutter until he found what he as looking for: her portable CD player. Being trapped in his room listening to his dead girlfriend's voice as she explained her reasons for committing suicide had proven to be too much for Finn, and he decided he needed to be out and moving in order to keep listening to Rachel's voice. It would be the only thing distracting him from the dread he felt, wondering which CD would be his.

He cleaned up the mess he made, grabbed the CD player, and darted back in his room. He grabbed his iPod, pulled out the headphones, and plugged them into the CD player. He grabbed the second CD and placed it in the open disc compartment. With shaky hands, he plugged the headphones into his ears and walked outside his room, pacing the living room nervously as he waited for the CD to start.

_For those of you who stuck around to listen to the remainder of my story, I thank you so much. Having you hear my final words means so much to me. I hope that I will provide you with the clarification you needed by the end of these CDs._

_Now, let's start by classifying the different people featured in my CDs. There are those who probably don't give a damn about these CDs, let alone, my suicide. Those people (cough, Karofsky, Azimo, and Santana, cough) probably tossed aside this package thinking, 'what the hell?'. I don't blame them; I think even I would have reacted the same way after finding a package on my doorstep filled with CDs of a dead classmate recording themselves in their final moments._

_But then there are some of you who do care. It's very rare; I can only list a few people who I can honestly say genuinely cared for me while I was still alive. And for that, I thank you. You made me happy enough and made feel me like I actually belonged somewhere for the time that I was alive. _

_There are some of you who were neutral to me. Neither mean nor kind. You just did nothing. But sometimes, nothing is enough to make someone want to kill themselves. _

_There are some of you who didn't care, but probably wish you cared now. That's right, Puck, I'm talking about you. But you're going to have to wait; it isn't your turn yet. _

_No; it's Mr. Will Schuester's turn._

Finn paused the CD, closing his eyes. He could almost imagine Mr. Schuester reaction after hearing his name on the CD. He sighed and pressed play again.

_Mr. Schuester, you were an awesome Spanish teacher. I have to say, you were probably the best teacher there…academic-wise. So when I heard you were taking over glee club as well, my heart had skipped several beats in my chest. Mr. Ryerson never truly appreciated my talent, but I knew you would. I wanted to belong in something that would showcase my talent. You always told me in Spanish that you believed in me, Mr. Schue. So I joined the glee club so you would keep believing in me. _

_You aren't on here for the reasons you think you are. In fact, no one is on here for the reasons they think they are. Santana, you probably think you're on here for destroying my relationship with Finn, right? Wrong. Dead wrong. And Finn, you think you're on my list for breaking up with me, right? Once again, wrong. _

Then why am I on your list, Rachel? Finn wondered, frowning.

_As I was saying, Mr. Schuester, you took over glee club and made me feel like a star. I always bragged about being one, but I never truly got to feel the feeling. Performing 'Don't Stop Believin'' with Finn, Tina, Mercedes, Kurt, and Artie made me feel so special. _

_To be honest, I never truly intended to become as self-absorbed as I did. After that performance, I began to realize what it felt like to be appreciated. It was such a different feeling then being hated. So I wanted more; I needed more of that feeling. _

_You saw it, too, Mr. Schue. You saw what I was becoming: a monster. A self-absorbed yet extremely talented monster. So you began giving the solos to other members. Although it won't surprise anyone, I didn't like it. I was jealous; I didn't want anyone taking that feeling of belonging away from me. It was my feeling, and it would only be mine._

_You took one for the team when you disqualified yourself from sectionals. I always admired that. It was the most admirable thing anyone I've known has ever done. I was determined to win for you after that. But then those deaf kids and juvi girls stole our set list. I thought we were doomed…and then you showed up, Finn. A knight in shining armor. You encouraged me and said I would be able to sing the required ballad. So I did. And I was determined, Mr. Schuester, to make it the best performance I've ever done._

_It definitely was the best performance. I felt so proud when they announced that we were taking home the first place trophy. And the fact that we got to move onto regionals we even more thrilling!_

_But regionals came, and maybe it was because I was still heartbroken about Jesse, or maybe because I was just too laidback because of our outstanding performance at sectionals, but we lost. I felt so bad, Mr. Schuester. And although I would never admit this to anyone, I wondered if it was because I hadn't tried hard enough._

She was the one working the hardest, Finn thought.

_So I became that determined, narcissistic monster and decided that in order to make to nationals, I needed to be the star again. The center of everyone's attention. I needed all the solos._

_But then more time passed, I grew to become more lenient about not getting solos. Then Sunshine came along. She was amazing. I never had felt what it was like to be a background singer, but I knew that's what I would become if she made it in the glee club. So I did the darkest thing I've ever done: I sent her to that crack house. I'm sorry, Mr. Schuester. I really am. I could see the disappointment in your eyes, and I began to wonder myself why I had done it. _

Finn sighed. He never truly got Rachel to apologize to the rest of the glee club. But they never brought it up again.

_And then time continued to pass. Sectionals came along, and I was determined to win. It had been my goal since we had lost regionals. So when you told me I wasn't getting any solos, I must admit, I was a bit hurt. I had been working so hard and I still wasn't as appreciated as everyone else was._

_You see, Mr. Schuester, though you never noticed it, I was walking a thin tightrope with everyone in the glee club. Hated for personality, but needed for my voice. So when you gave Quinn and Sam the solos, and Brittany and Mike the dancing numbers, something inside of me snapped._

_And my day just got even worse when I figured the boyfriend that I had trusted for so long had been lying to me. But, once again, it's not your turn yet, Finn._

_We won sectionals. I was glad to have won sectionals. Of course, I lost my boyfriend after that, but that doesn't matter right now. Mr. Schuester, I know those past few weeks, you were disappointed in me because I participated too much. But I could never win with you; these past few days I disappointed you because I hardly participated. And I apologize so much for that; you just have to understand things from my perspective. _

_I bet you're wondering why you're on my list, huh? Mr. Schuester, you are on my list because you lied. You said you cared, but you didn't care enough to stop me. You could see what I was planning; I could see it in your eyes. You knew that I wanted to die. I wonder if now you regret not doing anything. I wonder if you, like me and many others, wish that life had a rewind button, just to reflect on the choices we have made. _

_If my life had a rewind button, I would go back to the day I started letting people bring me down. I would become stronger and even more independent._

_What about you, Mr. Schuester? What would you do if you had a rewind button? Would you say you're sorry? Would you try to stop this tragic event from occurring? Or would you continue to ignore it and pretend nothing happened?_

_I hope you would care more, Mr. Schuester. Because I can see you have the potential. In fact, you have more then potential. You did care for your students; just not enough to stop them from doing harmful things to themselves._

And that brings us to the end of the CD. Mr. Schuester, you don't have to listen anymore if you don't want to. Bye for now.

Finn sighed and opened the CD player, placing the second CD back in its case and grabbing the third one. In what looked like pink nail polish, a small heart had been painted in the top corner of the third CD case. He wondered whom it belonged to.

As he placed the CD in the player and pressed play, the smallest smile crept onto his lips. At least he knew that Rachel had died with someone special in her heart. He wondered if maybe it was him.

But part of Finn knew it wasn't.

**And Finn is right; he still has to wait a little bit more to hear his CD. So who could the little heart be for? I'm not saying XD! I would give you the option to vote again, except I already know who I am writing about next. But how about you vote for the chapter after that? You have more options this time: Tina, Puck, Mercedes, or Brittany. Pick whoever you want for Chapter 4! I won't say, as written earlier, who's the star of Chapter 3. But it's someone Rachel didn't really have any interactions with one the show…or did she? XD! Keep reading! Like my Facebook page! Read my other stories! And most importantly, REVIEW!**


	4. Chapter 3: Sam

**So lately, I've been obsessed with a Rachel and Sam pairing. I don't know why, but the two go good together. Maybe it's because they were both left behind in the mess Finn and Quinn created. Or maybe it's because they share an unknown bond that the writers won't write out XD. Either way, I've found myself obsessed with this pairing (known as Samchel), and that is what gave me the inspiration to Sam's story. So this chapter was mainly to vent about Samchel and hopefully get it out of my system so I can be a one hundred percent Finchel shipper again! I hope you enjoy! Once again, not one of my best writings, but it's good enough. Tell me what you think of this pairing XD!**

He inserted the CD and opened the front door, stepping onto the walkway and walking away from his house. With one hand, he clutched the portable CD player. With the other, he held three more of the CDs.

Finn started towards the park and waited for the third CD to begin. There was a long pause. Then Rachel's soothing voice filled his ears.

_And we reach the third out of seventeen CDs. I just got home from school and I'm still trying to get the horrible blue stain of this morning's slushy out of my favorite white blouse. Thanks a lot, Puck. _

_My dads aren't home, as usual. Both tell me they're occupied with work, but I know that they want time to themselves. Time that they don't get anymore, because I'm always home. I'm not complaining; I just wish they were with me more._

_Before I begin, I have a simple question to ask: have you ever played the 'one of these things doesn't belong here' game? I used to play it all the time in first grade. I have a simple reason for asking: this person doesn't belong on the list. At least, not in the sense that everyone else did. Because he tried to stop me. He was the only one that cared. And he gave me the happiness I needed before I made this decision. _

_How many of you knew that Sam and I were dating?_

Finn paused the CD, eyes widening. Rachel and Sam were _**what**_? Dating? Had he heard correctly? There was no way he could have been dating Rachel! He pressed play again.

_I'm sure none of you did. We didn't make it very obvious, did we, Sam? There was a reason we began dating: to get back at the people that broke our hearts. But it turned into so much more once we developed feelings for each other. _

_You and I never talked until the day you and Santana broke up. You were miserable; you used Santana to up your popularity, but you were still in love with Quinn. But Finn had her. We were two people that had never talked each other, but that fateful day, everything changed. After that, we became two heartbroken friends who needed each other for support. _

_And then you found me singing in the auditorium. Remember that, Sam? I was singing 'How Does it Feel?' by Avril Lavigne. You loved the performance and comforted me as I burst into tears. With gentle hands, you wiped them from my eyes and told me everything would be okay. That tomorrow I would wake up and everything would start anew. _

_You were right for the time being. Although I hardly slept that night, your words rang in my head. The moment when your hands touched mine made my heart skip several beats. I could still feel them._

_I found you waiting at my locker the next day. You helped me carry my books and then led me to my first period class. We both hadn't realized it, but we were holding hands. I tried to enter the room, but something was holding me back. And then I realized it was your hand. _

_I wonder how red my face was. I felt the heat in my cheeks as I stared at our fingers intertwined. Nervously, you pulled your hand away and ran it through your gorgeous blond hair._

_"I…um…I didn't know we were holding hands." You explained. I tried to smile, but I think it came out as a grimace. Or was it a smile? I could tell. My whole face had gone numb with embarrassment._

_"Me neither." I mumbled, still blushing like mad. The bell rang, and you cursed under your breath. And without warning, you grabbed me by the waist and placed the sweetest kiss on my lips._

_Don't ask me to compare Sam's kisses with Finn's. They were both nice. Sam was soft and gentle, but needy. He needed me. Finn wanted me. That was the difference between their kisses._

Finn frowned. How could she tell the difference between wanting someone and needing them just by kissing them?

_My lips parted as if I knew the kiss was coming, and maybe I did…in my heart. But in my mind, I was taken by surprise. Yet I was ready to deepen the kiss. And so were you. It was almost as if fate had brought us together._

_I had told myself after Finn and I broke up that life was unfair and fate was a bitch. And maybe fate still is a bitch, but for that moment, it decided to give me some of the kindness back. _

_When we finally pulled apart, Sam was blushing like mad. And maybe I was, too. In fact, I'm almost positive I was. You mumbled a quick goodbye and darted down the hallway corridor. I couldn't help; I burst into giggles. Then the late bell rang and I hurried into my first period class. _

_When glee rehearsal came, you asked if you and I could work in the auditorium because we were planning on singing a duet together. Mr. Schuester frowned but didn't hesitate to let us go._

_I think the only person that noticed us run out of the room with fingers intertwined and wide smiles on our faces was Santana. And I'm still surprised that she didn't tell anyone. _

_And even though Sam and I weren't technically together, we got second and a half base that afternoon in the auditorium. Topless, but not bottomless. Sam made me feel special and loved. He asked me then, in the softest whisper, if he could be my boyfriend. I bit my lip and pause before replying._

_"No one can know." I whispered._

_"That's possible." He told me, and then we were kissing again._

Finn's hands clenched into fists and he stopped walking, taking a seat on the sidewalk curb. Sam and Puck were always taking his girlfriends! Puck would take them when they were still with Finn, and then Sam would take them after being with them.

So no one knew. Or, at least, I don't think anyone knew. But even with Sam by my side, life started to go down the drain. As I mentioned earlier, my dads kept coming later and later, sometimes not even coming home at all. The bullying and slushies reached its zenith, and then finally, I cracked. I couldn't take it anymore. Depression hit me like a wave hit the seashore on a beach.

_I'm sure almost all of you noticed. Half of you cared. Some of those people knew what I was planning. But only one of you tried to stop me._

_And that person was you, Sam._

_And I'm sorry that trying wasn't enough. You made me happy._

_So I thank you, Sam Evans. Thank you for giving me someone to confide in, for being a true friend, and for loving me despite my flaws. Thank you for standing up for me and making me feel loved. Thank you for looking at me like I meant the world to you. _

And lastly, thank you for giving me another chance at love.

The CD stopped spinning in the player, and Finn knew it was done. Those last few words rang in his head and he closed his eyes. Why did it have to be Sam? Why couldn't it have been him?

He loved Rachel. If he had known, he would have stopped her. He would have taken those pills from her hand and crushed every single one of them. He would grab her face and place the softest, most needy kiss on her lips. He didn't just want her; he _**needed **_her. He would tell her over and over again she was special.

But that was the problem: he hadn't known.

And because he hadn't known, he couldn't stop her.

And because he didn't stop her, she had died.

And when she died, a piece of him died, too.

The hate went away, and was instead replaced by a soft, numb feeling of defeat. He sighed and lifted his gaze towards the sky. "Thank you." He whispered. The words were directed to Sam. The anger towards his fellow blond jock faded away and was instead replaced by a feeling of gratitude. "Thank you for loving her when I didn't."

At least now, Finn knew Rachel didn't die feeling completely hated.

**Aw! Poor Finn DX. But he kind of deserves it…I'm sorry. I haven't been too happy with Finn's choices lately. But I think I've gotten Samchel out of my system…for now. I love Finchel together, and I have decided that Finn's CD will be CD 11 (a.k.a Chapter 11). So keep an eye out! And now we know why there was a tiny pink nail polish heart at the top of this CD XD! So I gave you some options last chapter for the next chapter update. I believe they were Tina, Puck, Mercedes, and Brittany. I am now adding one more person to the options: Jesse. His CD should be interesting…so, you know the drill. Read my other stories, like my Facebook page, and most importantly: REVIEW! PS: thank you for all the amazing reviews! I'm glad this story is as popular as it is! It might just be my next big hit…**


	5. Chapter 4: Tina

**This update is a short one, but I personally like how it turned out XD. So many of you voted for Tina…meaning that this is her chapter! I hope you enjoy it…because I enjoyed writing it!**

Finn took a seat on one of the wooden benches under a nice, shady tree. He had finally reached the park and the sounds of songbirds chirping in the afternoon soothed his troubled thoughts. He didn't want to think about it, but the memory nagged his mind like his mom did when she wanted him to clean up his room. This bench, under this very tree, was the first place Rachel had told him she loved him. He would tell her he loved her all the time, but not once did she say it back. Finally, Finn took her out to the park and explained to her it was his favorite place to be when he was stressed. She was quiet for a really long moment, and when Finn finally asked her what was wrong, she had glanced up at him and uttered those three words: 'I love you'. He was taken aback and couldn't find anything to say, so instead he hugged her close to him and placed the most passionate kiss on her lips.

He sighed and glanced up at the sky. He didn't exactly know if he believed there was a heaven or hell, but if there was, he knew Rachel would definitely be an angel in heaven. He wondered, if there was a heaven, if she was there now. If she was with his dad watching over him. Or maybe, since he had been such a selfish ass, if she was completely ignoring him. He wished he could see her, just one more time, so he could tell her he loved her.

The last words he had said to her were, "I can't keep doing this, Rachel" when she asked him to please help her with her songwriting. She had written some more of one of the songs she was working on and she wanted to dedicate it to him. He hadn't meant to hurt her; he just knew that if Quinn found out he was writing songs with Rachel, she would flip and ultimately break up with him. Back then, it seemed like a big deal because he thought he loved Quinn. But now…he realized he didn't love Quinn. And that she didn't love him. The only girl he could ever dream of loving was Rachel. And now she was dead.

Hesitantly, Finn reached for the fourth CD. He wondered if this CD was his. Part of him knew it wasn't. Or, he liked to think it wasn't dedicated to him. But he knew that with every CD he listened to, he was one step closer to finding the one dedicated to him. And he couldn't help but feel scared; what had Rachel said about him?

He opened the portable CD player, took out the third CD and placed back it back in its case, and then placed the fourth CD inside. He closed the lid and waited for Rachel's story to continue.

_Wow. I can't believe we've already reached the fourth CD! Only thirteen more to go, and you can mail this package on to my next victim. That was a joke; I hardly consider the people on my list 'victims'. It's not like you're being punished; you're just being given information. Perhaps information that you would rather live without, but I felt as though I needed to tell my story. And this was the best way I could think of telling it. If I wrote a note to each person, they would be much too long. I think my hands would be cramping from writing too much. But a voice recording…now there's an idea. It's the perfect way to share my story._

_So now we come to the next person on my list. I truly admire this person, for I think her character has really blossomed over the past few years. Maybe it was because of glee. In fact, I'm almost positive it was._

_There are many things I regret in life. I regret making out with Noah, I regret sending Sunshine to the crack house, and I regret dating Jesse. But those are predictable regrets; those of you who knew me really well knew that I would say that. So here's an unpredictable regret: I regret not being better friends with Tina Cohen-Chang._

Finn paused the CD. He couldn't help but feel relieved; this CD wasn't his. He couldn't have handled listening to his CD right now. He pressed play again.

_Tina and I went to the same elementary school. Lima Elementary is probably the best school in the Lima, Ohio school district. It's quite sad that they can't provide better education establishments. _

_For a little while, Tina and I also attended the same dance studio. She was very good; I think it made me jealous to see someone that was better at me, even if it was dancing. I always knew that I wanted to be a Broadway star; I didn't necessarily need to be taking dance lessons. But my dads felt it would help improve my focus in school._

_I think that my competitive edge may have scared Tina away. I'm sorry, Tina; you really were a magnificent dancer. I just think I got jealous, like I always do. _

_So after that, elementary school started. Tina and I ended up in the same kindergarten class along with Kurt and Matt. I remember I liked to play housekeeping with Kurt. He would search through the dress up box while I pretended to make dinner. For a while, I saw Tina looking on with a look of longing in her eyes. I felt bad for her, but I liked that it was just me and Kurt. I didn't want anyone else to come in and ruin what he had._

_But one day, I saw Azimo picking on you. And I had had enough. I marched right up to him and, with my hands on my hips, demanded he leave you alone or I would tell the teacher. It's funny how in kindergarten, that is the biggest threat. He immediately left you alone, and I invited you to come play with us._

_Tina and I were friends for the rest of kindergarten. But we didn't end up in the same class again until fourth grade. And by then, she had made friends of her own and forgotten what it was like to be friends with me. So, for the time being, I forgot about our friendship and finished elementary school. Tina went to a different middle school. We weren't reunited until high school. I saw her around the halls, but we didn't have any classes together freshman year. In tenth grade, we had English together, and then Mr. Schuester started glee club. _

_Even there, Tina and I hardly talked. But I still considered her my friend. Did you do the same, Tina?_

_I always knew Tina was very kind and polite, even if she was a bit shy. I saw how close she was to Mercedes and Kurt. I wanted to be close to someone like that, too. I always felt like there was too much difference between me and the rest of the glee kids. At least, until Finn came along. I felt closest to him then to anyone else in the glee club._

Finn closed his eyes and sighed. He knew that Rachel was closest to him. So why had he pushed her away?

I wanted to be close friends with Tina, Mercedes, and Kurt. I really did. But my bossy personality always got in the way of everything, thus keeping an unnatural distance between us.

_I don't want you to call me your friend unless you really mean it. I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing it out of you. If you can truly consider me your friend, then I am truly grateful. _

_I think Tina was one of the few people who knew what I was planning. And she was one of the few that cared, I think. But as I mentioned in the last CD, Sam was the only one who tried to stop me. _

I'm glad I got the chance to meet someone like you, Tina. And I truly regret not being closer friends with you.

Finn knew the CD was over. He sighed and pulled it out and placed it back in its case. He knew that Tina and Rachel were friends…to some extent. But just as Rachel had mentioned, they weren't close friends.

The only really close friend Rachel had was him.

And he had pushed her away.

Finn had never felt worse in his life.

**I would feel bad if I were Finn, too. Once again, I haven't been happy with the choices he's been making. He needs to realize that Quinn is only using him to boost her popularity and that Rachel is the only girl who will truly love him for who he truly is. Have you heard the original song she's singing for him? You can check it out on my Youtube channel if you haven't heard it already. So anyways…since Brittany received almost as many votes as Tina did, I believe her chapter will be next. Your choices for the chapter after that (Chapter 6) are still Puck, Mercedes, and Jesse…plus Quinn. Please read my other stories (expect an update on 'In the End, It's Right' and 'The Only Hope for Me is You' by the end of the week hopefully), like my Facebook page (entitled 'Finntastic17- Fanfiction'), and… REVIEW!**


	6. Chapter 5: Brittany

**Hello, dear readers! I know I promised that I wouldn't update another story until I finished the double update of 'In the End, It's Right', but several of you were asking for an update on this story, so I just decided I'd give you a short and kinda-sweet update. I hope you understand why I've been invisible this past month. Two friends of mine died in a car accident and I have been mourning their deaths. I have been much too upset to write, but after turning on my computer and read some of last updates, I kinda got back in the writing mood. So I decided to continue after my long hiatus. I hope you all can understand why I haven't updated. Your thoughts would mean a lot to me. Actually, the death of my friends is what inspired me to finally put an update out on this story. It just matched my mood better then any of my other stories did. Okay, now I'll stop explaining my reasons for not writing. This chapter, as I promised in the last chapter, is Brittany's chapter. Her story is actually very unexpected and involves and issue that several of my friends are dealing with today, so I do have some prior knowledge to this concern. I decided to include it just to add to the suspense and prove a point. I hope I don't offend anyone, and I'm apologizing in advance if I do. Now, here is the long-awaited Chapter 5!**

"Yeah, Mom. I'm at the park. I'm working on an assignment. For glee club. I need to find something in nature that inspires me. Yes, Mom, I'll be home for dinner. No, I won't forget to bring Kurt his iPod back. All right, I'll talk to you later." After hanging up the phone with his mother, he pulled out the fifth CD from his stack, realizing that after this CD there was one left before he would have to fetch another. With a sigh, Finn grasped the fragile case in his hand and slowly placed it inside the player. Taking a deep breath, he closed the lid and listened to the somewhat soothing sound of the CD spinning inside. He placed his headphones in his ears and waited for the CD to begin.

_Only two more CDs to go and then you're down to ten. Amazing, isn't it? Have you all learned something new about me that you might have not known before? I'm pretty sure you have. I know for a fact that none of you knew about me and Sam…except for maybe you, Santana. Well, this CD will introduce something else about me that I know for a fact that none of you knew. Not even you, Santana._

Did you ever wonder why, in the last few months of my life before I made my decision, I wore jackets and jeans?

Finn gulped and paused the CD, taking in quick breaths to keep from growing lightheaded. Even he was smart enough to know where this conversation was going. He wanted so badly to skip ahead but knew he couldn't. Rachel wouldn't have wanted that. So he pressed the play button instead and closed his eyes as he waited for the explanation that he didn't want to hear.

_I was a victim of cutting. I don't mean to sound emo or depressed or anything of the sorts because, be honest, one of you…maybe even all of you…have once tried it, even if it was just out of curiousity. I know it, in fact. _

_For me, though, cutting was so much more. It was this relief from the hardships in my life. There was so much pain on the inside that I felt like I needed to even things out. So one day, I came home and sat on my bed toying with a pair of scissors. And without thinking too clearly, I drew the blade across the skin on my right ankle. I expected it to hurt, and then expected to lecture myself on how wrong it was and how stupid and useless this would be and how it could negatively effect my career. But the thing is…it didn't hurt. I felt nothing. Yet I knew that I had cut myself because of the blood that flowed from the open wound. _

_I tried again, right above the first cut. And I felt so relieved. It seemed that my pain and fears subsided as the crimson blood flowed out from my self-inflicted wounds._

_So I continued to do it as time passed. No one noticed, and if anyone did, they didn't care. _

_But even the cutting wasn't enough. It became routine for me and stopped helping. Thus leading to these CDs signifying that my choice has been made._

_You're probably wondering why I told you this. No, it wasn't to depress you and no, it wasn't to make you feel guilty. If I have, then I am truly sorry. I never meant for that to happen. I am only telling you because this story has something to do with this person's CD. And although I promised to never tell anyone, I can't help it. This is the main reason this person is on my list._

_In sixth grade, I was first introduced to the horrible trend known as cutting. And who introduced this disgusting habit to me? None other then Brittany Pierce. Shall we begin the story?_

_As I mentioned in the first CD, Lima Middle School wasn't exactly the best school in the area. Many of the delinquents who went there ended up at McKinley. And yes, I'm talking about Azimo and Karofsky. But…Lima Middle School was diverse unlike other picture-perfect schools._

_There was Kurt, who wasn't open about his sexuality at the time (but made it extremely obvious that he wasn't straight) but different. There was Suzy Pepper, quiet and reserved but mildly attractive. There was Santana, a definite bitch who was insecure about herself. And then there was Brittany, the girl who was a little slow in her academics and thought two plus two equals rainbows. _

_But like you must have figured out recently, there are more sides to a person then you can see. Brittany wasn't just the mentally challenged blond who made out with every guy (and girl) at school. There was so much more to her then we saw._

_In sixth grade, Brittany and I were actually friends. It was the first day of middle school, and since a lot of my friends had ended up elsewhere, I was all alone. Until I met Brittany, a student who had just moved to Lima from New York. Her parents traveled around a lot, she had told me. But a lot could have meant anything. Eating three meals a day was a lot for Brittany. Perhaps moving around 'a lot' really wasn't so much after all. _

_Brittany was having trouble opening her locker, so I decided to step in and assist her. Just like that, we became friends._

Brittany and Rachel…friends? What kind of alternate universe is this? Finn shook his head, frowning. This was new to him. Brittany and Rachel hardly ever talked. The only real conversation he remembered them having was when she was trying to launch a fashion comeback at McKinley.

_We sat together at lunch, shared stories, and helped each other with homework. Well, I did most of the helping since Brittany hardly understood anything. But we were close. After winter break, we began growing apart. _

_Santana had just transferred over from that boarding school Quinn ended up at. Rumor was that she had been kicked out for being caught in the boys' dorm…in the middle of doing it with one of the guys. But no one really knew the truth._

_Anyways, Brittany met Santana, and the two instantly became friends. Santana always hated me. I'm not sure why, though. So in order to make her new friend happy, Brittany and I grew farther and farther apart. Yet while she and Santana grew closer and closer, I realized that she was becoming someone else. She wasn't even Brittany anymore. At least, not the Brittany I knew._

_One week, Santana caught the flu and had to stay home. With no one else to turn to, Brittany one again attached herself to me. It was just like old times, and I was foolish enough to believe it would last. That week, she came over to my house and revealed to me that her parents had been arguing a lot lately. I did my best to comfort her, but I didn't have any experience in the area so I wasn't that big of a help. Santana was, however, as her parents had just gone through a divorce._

_Santana returned the next week, but as her father had ordered, joined the volleyball team to stay fit. Poor Brittany couldn't play the sport at all, so a distance between her and Santana came up. _

_After about a week or two, Brittany finally revealed to me that her parents were splitting up. He dad, a local community college professor, was having an affair with one of his students. This student, in fact, was none other then Brittany's older sister's best friend. Her mom found out and threw her dad out. They were getting a divorce._

_And the most upsetting piece of this story was the fact that not even two weeks after they made their divorce final, Brittany's dad and the little college slut got engaged. Heartbroken, Brittany turned to the darkness. And only I knew what she was doing to herself._

_Just like me, Brittany Pierce was a victim of cutting. Just not to the same extreme as me._

There was something else that seemed totally unreal. Not only did Rachel being dead, Rachel cutting, and Rachel and Brittany being friends seem like a complete lie, but innocent Brittany hurting herself seemed even more false.

_She showed me everything and when I asked her who told her to do such terrible things to herself, she answered with a classic Brittany one-liner: 'my cat'. _

_After weeks and weeks of the attention she deserved but wasn't getting, Brittany eventually stopped hurting herself. Coincidentally enough, the volleyball season ended around that time. Santana promised to never leave Brittany alone with a freak like me ever again. And that person that I saw Brittany becoming months ago was back…for good. Brittany and I never talked again, unless she was insulting me._

Now there was a more believable story.

Middle school came and went and then high school came. It was the same story; Brittany and I hardly ever talked unless she was insulting me. She became a popular cheerleader made famous for being a quieter min-Santana. I became a glee loser made famous for dating quarterback Finn Hudson only to be humiliated when he broke up with me and ran back straight into the arms of ex-girlfriend Quinn Fabray.

Ouch, that hurt. But Finn realized it was beyond true. How he wished he could take it all back…

_For a brief time, Brittany and I consulted with one another when I tried to launch a comeback at McKinley. And it was then Brittany asked me one of the smartest questions she's ever asked anyone: a comeback from what? Realizing how true her words were, we once again stopped talking. Until the day after I started cutting myself._

_I came to school wearing jeans and hoodie, a very un-Rachel-like look, especially in the spring. She took one look at me and took it upon herself to approach me. I was scared she'd find out and spread it around the school. After all, Brittany, once being a victim herself, knew the signs of when someone was hurting themselves._

_I looked up at her with scared eyes and watched as she scrutinized me with a curious glare. Then her eyes met mine._

_"Your cat isn't very smart." She stated. I wondered if she was talking metaphorically or seriously. So I instead glanced at my feet and walked away._

_As I sit in my bedroom right now recording this very CD, I still don't understand what Brittany meant by that. I wonder if she knew I was cutting or if she honestly thought I had a cat that had conveniently scratched me multiple times._

_And that's the end of this story. I've noticed that each of the past CDs either contain nostalgic messages or surprising secrets or short and sweet lessons. This one includes all of the above._

_I'm remembering the time Brittany and I were once friends, which is a surprising secret in itself, if you don't count the fact that you now know about Brittany's cutting issue. And there is one lesson in this CD: people are like boxes. There is more then just one side to each of us._

_It's too bad no one figured that out before I made my choice._

The CD had ended and Finn was left with the same guilty feeling he always got when listening to Rachel's CDs. He sighed and took the CD out and placed it back in its case before turning of the player. With a sigh, he leaned back in the bench and closed his eyes. His thoughts were filled with Rachel, but that wasn't a surprise, as his thoughts were always filled with Rachel…even before she died.

"I need to go somewhere else to listen to these." Finn mumbled, standing up. Left alone in such a quiet place with nothing but his dead ex-girlfriend's (who he was still hopelessly in love with) CDs and his cell phone had proven to make Finn restless. So he instead grabbed his CD cases and pulled out his cell phone

[im comin ovr in bout 2 min. b rdy.]

He sent the message, feeling satisfied when he instantly got a reply.

{thanx 4 the heads up. come up anytime u wnt.}

He closed the phone and started on his trek to the mysterious recipient's house.

**So…who do you think the mysterious recipient is? Whose house is Finn going to visit? It's going to be someone you least expect, and this person is on the CD list. They have not yet been featured. Give me your guesses and there will be a reward! I'm not sure what it is yet, but you can tell me what you want (not money or anything like that) and I'll see what I can do. What did you think of the whole cutting debacle? As I mentioned in the earlier author's note, I do have friends who cut themselves. I do not think it is right and it is never a solution. But I understand why they do it. That doesn't make it right, though. I have no idea who I should do next, so give me your opinions! Your choices are Puck, Quinn, Mercedes, and Jesse. Please read my other stories, like my Facebook page, and REVIEW!**


	7. Chapter 6: Puck

**So this chapter might actually be my favorite. I love Puck and his sarcastic comments and his connection with Rachel. I was never a Puckleberry fan, but this chapter made me grow to like them. I hope you don't mind the fluff I put in for them, or the fact that I put in a couple of Fuinn moments. It seemed necessary, even if I hate them together. So…here's Chapter 6! And, of course, it belongs to Puck XD.**

Finn pulled into her driveway and took a deep breath. He knew that being here would upset Rachel, but he needed someone with him. He needed someone who understood him like no one else (besides Rachel) did. He hoped she would be able to get over his being here.

Letting his breath out, he stepped out of his car and walked up the walkway with the CDs in his hand. Hesitantly, he knocked on the door. Moments later, she answered.

"Hi, Finn." She said softly.

"Hi, Quinn." He murmured. Quinn smiled one of her uncertain smiles before stepping away as if to signal for Finn to enter. He hesitantly stepped inside and followed Quinn to her room.

He had known her since preschool. He had always had a crush on her, and when he finally ended up dating her, he remembered thinking that she was the one he would marry. That was until he met Rachel. He fell for Rachel harder then he fell for Quinn, but when Quinn ended up pregnant with a baby he thought was his, he realized he was stuck with her for life. That is, until Rachel told him the truth about Quinn and the pregnancy. He didn't think it would hurt to be without Quinn, but having grown up with her and been with her four months before the pregnancy scandal, it hurt more then he thought possible. The only good thing that came with being apart from Quinn was his short-lived relationship with Rachel.

When they got back together, Finn swore to himself he wouldn't screw it up. But then Rachel found out about his night with Santana and was pushed over the edge and kissed Puck. Maybe it was because kissing Puck opened up old wounds for him, but he broke up with her, too, and chose Quinn over her. Then she died, and Finn could never tell her that she was the one.

"How are you?" Quinn asked as she took a seat on her bed.

"Been better." Finn answered. "And yourself?"

"Same." Quinn whispered, glancing out her window. "I can't believe she's really gone."

"Yeah." Finn glanced at the floor.

"You probably miss her the most." Quinn commented.

"Nah, her dads do."

"I meant out of all of us." Quinn clarified. "You never loved me as much as you loved her." Finn shifted uncomfortably.

"Quinn…"

"No, Finn, it's fine. You're grieving; we're all grieving. Besides, I knew beforehand. You're not really that good at concealing your feelings." She smiled halfheartedly.

"Can we talk about something else?" Finn asked, choking back tears. "I came over here to get away from it all."

"Right." Quinn nodded her head slowly. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He mumbled. There was a long moment of silence before Quinn nodded towards the CDs in his hand.

"What are those?" She asked curiously.

"They're Rachel's." He answered quietly.

"What are they for?"

"She recorded them before she…died." Finn answered. "I was the first one on the mailing list."

"Mailing list…?"

"She sent these out so people could understand her reasons for doing what she did. There are seventeen CDs; each CD belongs to someone who influenced her choice and how they did." Finn explained. Quinn was quiet for a really long moment before glancing up at Finn with tear-filled eyes.

"Have I been mentioned yet?"

"No. Neither have I."

"What have you learned so far?" Quinn asked.

"Um…Karofsky used to have this major crush on Rachel, Mr. Schuester was Rachel's idol, she and Sam were secretly dating, she wanted to be closer friends with Tina, she and Brittany used to be best friends, and she used to…cut…herself…" Finn closed his eyes and shuddered. When he opened his eyes, he saw Quinn staring at him with a horrified expression in her eyes.

"She did what to herself?"

"I don't want to say it again." Finn muttered. "It hurt enough hearing her admit it in the recording."

"I never would've…" Quinn's voice trailed off.

"Neither did I." Finn agreed.

"What number CD is this?"

"Number six. Only eleven left until I have to send them to the next person on the list." Finn replied.

"Who's next?"

"Mercedes."

"Poor Mercedes." Quinn murmured.

"I think you get it after her."

"Should I listen to it…?"

"It's what Rachel wanted." Finn answered simply. "I think we owe it to her."

"Yeah." Quinn agreed. "I have a CD player if you want to listen to that one…"

"Yeah." Finn said quietly. Quinn gestured towards the CD player sitting on her bedside table. With a shaky hand, Finn opened the case and slowly placed the CD in the small player. Before he closed the lid, he met Quinn's gaze. "I don't know who this CD belongs to, but I still think you should prepare yourself."

"Okay." Quinn nodded her head and took a deep breath. Finn did the same as he closed the lid and pressed play. He took a seat on the bed next to Quinn and waited for it to begin.

_Those of you who are good at math have probably figured out that there are only eleven CDs left, which eleven more reasons why. Those of you who are listening but have not been mentioned, please realize that you are not off the hook. Your CD is coming._

Quinn gasped and covered her mouth in shock.

_The things I said on the last CD are private and meant to stay private. I shared with you one of Brittany's most secret secrets, and in turn shared one of mine. And although I'm not alive to care if it's spread around the hallways anymore, Brittany is. And I'd really appreciate it if this was sorta kept between you guys and myself. _

_With that being said, let's begin. So I know you're all wondering who this CD belongs to. Don't lie; it's the thought that's going across your mind right now. I'd be thinking the exact same thing. _

_Well, I'll give you a hint. He's my ex-boyfriend._

Without thinking, Finn pressed pause. He held his breath and didn't release it as he stared at the floor.

"Finn." Quinn whispered, hesitantly reach out her hand to touch his shoulder in a comforting manner.

"She's talking about me." He whispered, releasing his breath.

"You don't know that." Quinn said softly.

"I'm her ex-boyfriend." He hissed.

"So was Jesse." Quinn stated boldly. "Isn't there a chance that she might be talking about Jesse or someone else?" Finn stiffened and hesitantly pressed play.

_Our relationship didn't last long; I was in love with Finn. Being in love with Finn kept me from loving Noah. Yes, this is Noah's, or Puck, as he's better known, CD. _

Finn let out a sigh of relief, but he knew that he was getting closer and closer to finding his CD.

_The first time I went out with Noah was actually before high school. You see, we had the same Hebrew class. We were nine when we decided to start dating. I'm using air quotes as I say dating. It's a loose term; all we did was hold hands. Then, when we were ten, he kissed me. Noah was my first kiss. But one of my dads got a job opportunity in Dayton and I left for the summer. When I came back, he found another girl named Santana. _

_But it didn't bother me that much. We went to the same middle school, and as we grew older, things became more serious and kissing each other back then hardly counted. So one day, after dance class, Noah met me outside the cafeteria, and we kissed again. But this time, it wasn't just a little peck. It was a serious kiss. And as things grew more serious, he said, 'We should be each other's firsts.'_

_'Firsts at what exactly?' I asked, pulling away._

_'You know.' He replied with a smirk. Disgusted, I shoved him away and told him to keep it in his pants. We didn't speak much after that, but he did start a rumor saying that I was a prude._

_Then came freshman year of high school. Noah and I didn't speak much, but we saw a lot of each other over the summer at my temple. _

_'Admit it,' he began one day in the field as we walked together. 'You're attracted to me.'_

_'Never.' I scoffed, my cheeks turning bright red._

_'Well, I'm attracted to you.' He whispered._

_'You just want sex.' I scrunched up my nose at the mention of the name. He chuckled._

_'You're my hot little Jew; of course I would like to have sex at some point.' He winked as I rolled my eyes and groaned._

_'You're disgusting.' I said, but I couldn't keep the smile off my face. _

_'No one knows you better then me.' He countered._

_'That may be true, but have you ever stopped to think that the only reason we're so close is because we grew up together and we're the only teenagers here?' I asked, raising an eyebrow. And then he kissed me again, claiming that I talked too much._

_Noah and I never told anyone. Not a single soul. But we may have gone all the way that day…in the back of his dad's Ford pickup truck. _

Finn pressed pause and clenched his hands into fists.

"That asshole!" He yelled. "He told me he never had sex with her!"

"Neither did she." Quinn countered. "Besides, this was before you were even interested in her."

"It doesn't matter!" Finn exclaimed. "I was honest with her; I was a virgin before Santana. And I may have kept that from her, but…"

"But nothing. I'm sure she would have told you had you given her the chance." Quinn said softly. "You know Rachel; she's the most honest person in the world. Frankly, it could be her best quality, and then it could be her worst quality."

"I guess…"

"Just put the CD back on, Finn." Quinn said tiredly. Finn sighed and did as he was told, but through it all, he wished he could cover his ears. He didn't want to hear how Puck managed to go all the way with Rachel.

_His dad was inside talking with Rabbi Greenberg. He pulled me from the field and we moved to the back of the truck. I don't know we managed going all the way, but afterwards, I told him that it was a mistake. I told him to never say anything to anyone. And then I ran away._

_I've lived with the guilt until today. It feels good to finally tell someone, even if it doesn't matter anymore. Just like I don't matter anymore. But this CD is about Puck._

_I didn't realize until I talked to him again sophomore year that my rash decision may have hurt him. Before we hooked up briefly, he told me that he had really wanted to be with me. Having sex with me wasn't just another hook up for him; he had felt something. But by then, I had truly fallen in love with Finn and broke up with him. When I asked him to help me with my 'Run, Joey, Run' project, he told me that he wanted to be with me. When I asked him about Quinn and the baby, he told me that he had no hope of being together with Quinn and being a family with her. He wanted me. I rejected his offer, as I was dating Jesse at the time and still hopelessly in love with Finn._

_After all the drama of sophomore year, I didn't talk to Noah for a really long time. Not until the night where my temper got the best of me and I called him and begged for him to come over. He came willingly but hesitantly and listened to me as I vented about Finn and how he lied about sleeping with Santana. And after that…we were making out. I kept telling myself, 'This is so wrong, Rachel!', but I couldn't stop. Had Noah not stopped himself, I think we may have done it again. _

_I told Finn, and he broke up with me. That's where things started going downhill. Noah tried to comfort me, but nothing could be done to mend my broken heart. I begged for him to sing a duet with me to make Finn jealous, but all it did was send him into Quinn's arms._

_I had always felt like Noah was an option for me. I always felt like I could always fall into his arms. And although I wouldn't admit it then, I don't mind sharing it now. I think I may have loved Noah. Never as much as I loved Finn, but I still loved him. Maybe that's why I let him be my first and my only. _

_But I was wrong about Noah always being an option for me. He fell in love with Lauren Zizes, and soon even he left my side. And then…well, we all know what happened._

_That's the end of this story. It's funny to hear that I actually have history with some of our friends, isn't it? Some of these stories are wonderful to reminisce on. _

_So I'm sure you're all wondering why Noah is on my list, huh? He's on my list because he ignored what I was doing to myself. I know he knew I was cutting; once when I yawned in English class, the sleeve to my shirt fell to just barely reveal the deep cuts on my wrist. And when I opened my eyes, I saw him staring at my wrist with a horrified expression on his face. I expected him to confront me after class. I wanted him to tell me to stop. But he didn't. He met Lauren instead and didn't say a word to me._

_If anything, he distanced himself from me even farther then he had before._

_Noah wanted nothing to do with me just like everyone else._

_Well, wish granted. Now you have nothing to do with me. These CDs are the last thing you will ever have of me other then your memories. But even those will start to fade one day._

The CD stopped spinning in the player and the two teens sat in silence. Quinn drew in a shaky breath before casting a shy glance at Finn. He looked completely distraught, and something was telling Quinn that maybe this CD had gotten to him more then the others. Now probably wouldn't be the best time to ask if he wanted to make out…

Yes, she missed Rachel, and yes, she felt bad that the girl had committed suicide. But that didn't mean her relationship with Finn had to die as well. Yes, she knew to give Finn his space. She knew that he had never really gotten over the tiny brunette, and knowing that she was dead probably killed Finn.

"Do you still want to do this?" Quinn couldn't stop the words from leaving her mouth.

"Quinn…"

"I just…Finn, even if we break up…it's not going to bring her back." Quinn whispered. Finn sat there silently for a moment before letting a troubled sigh escape his lips.

"I know." He said quietly.

"Maybe we could take some time…? We could just be friends." Quinn suggested.

"Yeah." Finn nodded his head. "It's not gonna be permanent."

"Okay." Quinn nodded her head.

"Can I stay here?" Finn asked abruptly, finally meeting Quinn's gaze. "I brought some other CDs, and after listening to that one, I can't listen to them alone."

He's still a boy underneath this tough exterior, Quinn thought. Feeling very sympathetic and a bit dejected after listening to the CD, she nodded head and watched as he pulled out a couple more.

"Let's do this." Quinn whispered and watched as Finn placed the seventh CD in her CD player.

_Hi, Quinn. How are you?_

**Gasp! The ending was my favorite part of the chapter. So there will be no voting obviously. The seventh chapter belongs to Quinn. Did you like this chapter and the little Puckleberry moments I put in? I always imagined them being childhood friends. At first, I didn't intend for them to go all the way, but after receiving a PM filled with wonderful ideas, I realized that it would put an interesting twist on things and perhaps open Finn's eyes to the real Rachel and make him realize that perhaps he didn't know her as well as he claimed to know her. Next chapter we'll figure out about Quinn and Rachel's past and how Quinn will react to her CD! Should Finn still be at Quinn's house when he listens to his CD? Remember, his CD is number eleven. And congratulations to those of you who guessed that Quinn was the mysterious recipient of the text messages at the end of the last chapter! I'll send you guys an exclusive sneak peek of this story within the next week :P. That's all; I hope you enjoyed! Don't hesitate to review! Like my Facebook page and read my other stories, too! But REVIEWS are most important ;D. **


	8. Idea::Sneak Peek

**So my amazing readers…I came up with the most brilliant idea ever. But I need your approval. I shall write my idea for you and then give you a special sneak preview to show you how it would work. Of course, if we decided to go through with it, there would be a sequel. Probably a short one, since I have no idea how I would make it a longer story, but it would still be something to put your minds at ease XD. Here's my idea…**

**Many of you have been begging for me to somehow let Rachel be alive, whether she comes back to life mysteriously or just jumps out and yells, 'Surprise!' you all don't really care. You just want a story where Rachel lives. Although I love the aspect of Rachel being dead in this story because it makes the storyline entertaining, but I'm willing to work with my readers' reviews.**

**So…with that being said, let's get going.**

_**As Finn began placing the CDs back in the case, he noticed a small piece of crumbled paper in the corner of the shoebox. He guessed it was probably just a scrap piece of paper that had accidentally made its way into the box, but something inside Finn made him grab it. He opened it up and in tiny letters was written 'For Finn's eyes only'. **_

_**Heart racing, Finn continued to open the piece of paper and on the inside was an address scribbled messily. 1485 Bluebell Avenue. His heart stopped; he recognized that address. It was the old abandoned warehouse where he and Rachel would go for 'alone time'. He grabbed the paper close to him and darted out to his car and started the engine, backing out of his driveway and driving like mad until he reached the warehouse.**_

_**He stepped out of his car and glanced around wildly. Why had Rachel sent him and only him to this very location? He froze as he heard footsteps behind him. Then they stopped. And the voice that came next made Finn fall into a world of blackness.**_

"_**Surprise, Finn."**_

_**It was Rachel.**_

**Soo what do you think? Yeah, Rachel was tired of her old life and with some help from a group of friends, she somehow managed to convince all of Lima she was dead. And hear she is, hiding out in the abandoned warehouse where she and Finn would go for some 'alone time'. Rachel Berry was declared dead by all, but for Finn, she's now alive and very real to him. She's his ghost, but he's not sure whether or not to believe she is truly alive. After all, there is something different about her…**

**Would you want the story to end that way and have a sequel following with the mystery of why Rachel faked her death and what really is so different about her? I'm not sure if I want to go through with it; I'm not sure what would be different about Rachel or why she would fake her death instead of going through with it like she originally planned. That's where I would need your help, my darling readers, if I were to go through with this idea. **

**Like I mentioned earlier, I like the idea of Rachel being dead and committing suicide. So I might not go through with this. It's just an idea that I wanted to share with you.**

**If I do not go through with this idea, then I will continue doing the CDs as I originally planned (well, I would do that even if I did go through with the idea) and make an epilogue entitled 'Famous Last Thoughts' to echo the prologue's title 'Famous Last Words'. It would be Rachel's final moments and thoughts as she thought of her life, her accomplishments, her downfalls, and her current position as she lays dying on her bed. And of course, the story would end with her final thought before she let life slip through her fingers.**

_**I love you, Finn.**_

**Soo leave me a review telling me what you think, please. Should I go through with my new idea or keep the original idea? If I don't go through with it, I might use the idea as a new story idea…Rachel faking her death and Finn finding out. Would you read that? Thanks for everything! I am truly grateful to have such amazing readers and fans! I would be nowhere without you guys! I love you all!**


	9. Chapter 7: Quinn

**As promised, here is Quinn's chapter…also known as Chapter 7. Sorry it took so long. School just started and I've been incredibly busy. Please check my Facebook page for updates. And make sure to read the author's note at the end. Enjoy! And please review when done reading. All of them matter to me very much.**

As Finn pressed 'pause', he glanced over to see that Quinn was staring at the CD player with wide eyes and paled skin. If he hadn't heard her inhale a sharp breath, he would be pretty sure that she had died right on the spot.

"Quinn?" He asked in a low voice. She didn't answer; in fact, she didn't even move. She continued to stare wide-eyed at the CD player.

"Are you okay?" Finn ventured. Normally asking Quinn a question as mundane as this would put her in a pissy mood, but she didn't snap back at him like she normally would. "We don't have to play the CD if you don't want to…" This got a reply out of her. She managed to drag her gaze from the player to Finn, her eyes dull and filled with no emotion.

"No…it's fine…"

"Really, Quinn…"

"I said it's fine, Finn." Quinn snapped coldly. She lowered her voice. "I want to hear what she said about me."

"It might not be anything—"

"I know it won't be anything nice." Quinn paused. "But I need to hear." Finn sighed, wondering if somehow hearing the CD dedicated to her would somehow convince her attitude towards others should change. He hoped so. If there was one thing he could name that he disliked the most about Quinn, it would have to be her attitude towards other people. Especially the losers…like Rachel.

"Okay." Finn sighed, hesitating before pressing 'play' again.

_I'm not doing so well, in case you haven't noticed. Well, I'm not sure what it's like to die. But I will soon enough! And guess what, Quinnie? You're one of the seventeen reasons why I killed myself. One of the biggest reasons, actually._

_I really hope this CD makes you cry. Or feel guilty to some extent. Because some of the things that you did to me were just not right, Quinn. So listen closely and don't you dare turn off this CD or I'll make sure to haunt your ass!_

_That was my attempt at sarcastic humor. Well, I guess it wasn't really humorous, was it? Oh, well. I try. And yet, I still fail! But that's beside the point. I want to let everyone know that I never disliked Quinn until the last semester of eighth grade year at middle school. That's when the changes in her became major changes. Before, they were just minor changes._

_Quinn and I met in kindergarten. She was very shy and I, of course, was very loud. They say opposites attract, and we instantly became best friends. We played at recess together and colored together. Do you remember that, Quinn? I'm sure that somewhere buried in the back of your mind you remember how close we used to be._

_One day, I went over to Quinn's house to spend the day with her. My dads both had to work, as usual, and had no one to watch me. Quinn's mom offered to and we played together all day and pulled pranks on her older sister. _

_My dads called later explaining that they were running late and would pick me up a little later then expected. This was fine by me, but the Fabrays were expecting a guest. Little did I know it, this guest was none other then my biological mother. Of course, I didn't know her then, but the Fabrays, including Quinn, obviously did and very rudely demanded that my dads hurry up. They ended up showing up the same time my mom did. When I asked Quinn who she was, she stared at the floor and said she was her aunt._

Finn hit the 'pause' button and turned to Quinn. She _**knew**_ Rachel's mom before Beth? This was news to him.

"I-I wanted to tell her." Quinn mumbled, twiddling with her thumbs. "I just…I just couldn't. I knew it would hurt her feelings and my dad told me it wasn't the smartest idea. So I let her find out through Jesse."

"You knew?" Finn asked.

"She told us the moment she met us." Quinn explained. "That she had a daughter whom she had given up because she couldn't raise her and wanted to focus on the possibility of a Broadway career. Of course, we all that it was wrong for her to have given Rachel up for those selfish reasons, but we didn't have a say in how she involved or didn't involve herself in her daughter's life."

"When did you find out her daughter was Rachel?" Finn asked.

"When I came home from kindergarten telling my mom I made a new friend." Quinn sighed. "I told her that her name was Rachel Berry and she was really loud but really nice. My mom was quiet for a really long time and then she quietly explained to me how Shelby was Rachel's mom." Quinn chuckled, staring at her feet. "For a while, I was actually pretty mad at Shelby for giving Rachel up. I told her that she had made a mistake."

"She did." Finn agreed, remembering how he had spent half the summer leading into junior year comforting Rachel when she cried about her mom abandoning and replacing her, and the other half convincing her not to go crawling back to her.

"Can we continue?" Quinn asked quietly.

"Yeah." And he pressed play.

-glee!-

_I didn't find out Quinn knew my mom all the way back then until that last semester of eighth grade. We grew apart over the years as Quinn became interested more athletic sports and flirting with random guys. I focused on my voice and the performing arts, so that kept us apart, but we still remained friends. _

_The last semester of my final year of eighth grade was when it all changed. Brittany and I were no longer friends, and it looked like Quinn and I were heading the same route. I want so desperately to fix things, so I pulled her aside one day to talk. She publicly humiliated me and pretended not to know me. When I finally managed to pull her away from her friends, she wasn't even paying attention to me._

"_What will get you to shut up?" She groaned._

"_All I want is to fix our friendship, Quinn. I can feel you pulling away." I explained._

"_Yeah, well, maybe it's for the better." Quinn replied, crossing her arms._

"_But we've been friends since the age of five!" I protested._

_"Yeah? You want to hear something else?" She leaned really close to my face. "I've also known your mother since the age of five." She jeered before turning on her heels and marching away from me with her chin high in the air. I commit my first offense and skipped the rest of the day._

There was a brief moment of silence and Finn glanced over to see Quinn's reaction. He almost swore he saw a tear roll down her cheek as she sat on his bed with her head bowed and her legs crossed. Yeah, he thought it was pretty cruel, but then again, that was how Quinn acted.

"You want me to stop?" He asked quietly. She shook her head just as Rachel began to speak again.

_Of course, there were our issues in high school as well. She was actually the first person to slushy me. I'm almost positive she may have invented the slushy facial, but then again, Kurt had been slushied earlier by Santana and her crew. So I may not have been the lucky first._

_Then she and Finn started dating. Of course, I had a classic schoolgirl crush on him all throughout freshman year and the beginning of sophomore year before he and I were in glee club together, but something about their coupling just bothered me. For one thing, their names rhymed. Ugh. Sorry, I won't get into my opinion on Fabson, because everyone knows it won't be a good one._

Finn knew this to be true. Rachel (or anyone in glee club, for that matter) had never liked the Fabson pairing.

_But then when Finn and I clearly started developing real feelings for each other, Quinn just began to complicate things. She clearly disliked me more then she had ever before, as she joined glee club just to protect Finn. _

_The one thing that really bothered me, though, was when she got pregnant with Puck's baby and lied to Finn and told him it was his. When I found out about it, I knew it was a way for Finn to escape. He couldn't be trapped in a relationship with Quinn when the baby wasn't even his! I told him for that very reason._

_As Finn and I hooked up on again and off again, Quinn was no longer a threat to me, and while we still very much disliked each other (I never have forgiven her for never telling me that she knew my mom and kept her a secret from me), we were at peace at that point in time._

_That is, until I found out my mom had adopted her baby and Quinn had an even closer relationship with her then I could ever dream of having. It hurt a hell of a lot. Just ask Finn; I spent half the summer crying to him about how much it sucked that my own mother had replaced me. _

_I quickly decided not let that bother me, though, and focus on my career and my blossoming romance with Finn. It was going well, until Finn and I broke up. God, I regret that so much. But that's to be saved for a later CD. He and Quinn started dating again, and I was heartbroken. Especially when Quinn pretended to be my friend just to make sure I didn't get too close to him. And told me that he and I were over and that I was meant to move on while she and him stayed behind and started the perfect family together. It broke my heart…again._

_And that's where Quinn and I stand now. She is on my list because of her cruel attitude towards me. It's amazing how fast friendships can go down the drain. Especially if they are tangled in a web of lies like ours was._

_Are you crying now, Quinn? You deserve to. This is for all the countless nights I cried into my pillow and wished for things to be different._

_But they couldn't be, could they?_

The CD came to a stop, leaving Finn speechless and swallowing a lump forming in his throat. Yeah, he was pretty damn close to tears. And hearing Quinn quietly sob behind him wasn't any better. God, I shouldn't have made her listen to this, he thought, pulling out the CD and carefully placing it back in its case. He then turned to face Quinn. The tearstains were clear on her cheeks as her lithe body was racked with sobs.

"Are you okay?" He didn't hesitate to ask the question this time. Her only reply was a strangled sob. In the next moment, Finn was holding Quinn in his lap as she let go of her emotions. The tears were coming faster as she lay in Finn's lap and buried her face in her hands.

"I'm so sorry!" She managed to exclaim in between her ruthless sobs. "It's all my fault!" All the comforting in the world would not have convinced Quinn Fabray otherwise at that moment. As Finn held her and ran his fingers through her newly-cut hair, he began to wonder why Rachel had been unusually cruel towards Quinn. In the other CDs, she had only been subtly nasty. If it was to get back at Quinn for all the things she had done to her, she had certainly accomplished that.

He began to dread listening to his CD even more then he had before. Now that he knew what sort of nastiness Rachel was capable of, he knew his CD would be just as heartless, if not, more. But maybe Rachel would remember the love they once shared (the love he still felt) and be a little kinder. He doubted it. He had been a douche to her these past few months.

And as he held a very vulnerable Quinn in his arms, he couldn't help but wish that it were Rachel instead.

**And that, my friends, is Chapter 7, a personal favorite of my mine. I believe my writing style is at its best in this chapter, and Rachel's CD for Quinn was just…I honestly have no words to describe how I felt writing and then reading this chapter. I have to give myself a pat on the back for such fine work! I hope your reviews will clearly reflect how you felt upon reading this chapter, because I count on your feedback and your feelings to continue improving upon my writing as I obviously have this chapter. And now…regarding the last 'update' I put up on this story, I would like to let you know I am keeping the story the way it originally planned. I will put up one alternative one-shot ending written as though everything Finn experienced here through the CDs was all a dream. That's all I must say. See if you can guess who Chapter 8 belongs to! Please read my other stories, like my Facebook page, and most importantly…REVIEW!**


	10. Chapter 8: Blaine

**Can you believe how fast I've put out this update? I was looking at my plan for this story and realized that my favorite chapter is coming up after this one. Obviously this will not be Finn's chapter, as his is Chapter 11, but we are getting closer to it. Chapter 8 was another one I was interested in writing. Partially because I love the character on the show, and I was truly looking forward to writing a chapter where Rachel wasn't really blaming anyone. I hope you all enjoy. This chapter is Blaine's chapter. Read the author's note at the end!**

After they listened to the CD and Finn had managed to comfort Quinn, he decided he wouldn't make her listen to the CDs anymore. Although she begged for him to stay, Finn refused, deciding that Quinn was too vulnerable right now. It had only been weeks after Rachel's death and after hearing her CD, she was obviously very fragile. He promised to call later to check up on her, but said he could not stay any longer. Before Quinn could argue, Ms. Fabray returned from work, causing Finn to leave promptly without saying anything more to Quinn about the CDs.

As he got into his truck and started driving home, he let his thoughts be consumed by no one but Rachel. Her smile, her laugh, the way she would bite her bottom lip when she wanted to say something but knew she couldn't…all the things he liked – no, loved – about her. He loved the way her hair fell perfectly just below her shoulders, and the way her warm brown eyes reminded him of melted chocolate. Rachel Berry was everything to him. Now she was nothing but a memory.

He pulled over and let go of his emotions as the thought hit him.

-glee!-

He returned home later then anticipated as he had first stopped at Rachel's favorite place to go with him: Breadsticks. While she constantly complained about the food and the cleanliness of the place, the couple still frequented the restaurant. He sort of found her complaining endearing…when it didn't get annoying.

Finn hadn't gone to Breadsticks for a meal. He just went to sit in the booth he and Rachel would always sit in. For a moment, he swore he saw her sitting across from him in what he called her 'date dress'. It was a short pale blue dress with white polka dots that Rachel matched with white ballet flats and fiery red lipstick that he'd later find trailing up his neck. She wore it to every date they had at Breadsticks.

He remembered the one time he called her on it and she crossed her arms and told him it was because she thought he liked it. He did like it; sometimes, when she'd get up too quickly or there was a nice breeze, her skirt would fly up just a little. He loved moments like that. Unfortunately for him, he took her silence as him holding back something negative he had to say. For their next few dates to Breadsticks, she refused to wear the blue and white dress. It took forever for him to finally convince her to wear the dress again.

The memory sent a pain into his heart as he walked into the house again. He tossed his keys onto his bed and let out a sigh as he, too, plopped onto the bed. Crying wouldn't do him any good if there were no more tears to cry. He didn't want to listen to another CD right now; listening to Quinn's earlier just left him…scarred. He couldn't shake the numb feeling in his limbs as he thought of Rachel's uncharacteristic mean words. Finn wondered what she was feeling as she recorded that CD.

He wondered what she was feeling when she died.

-glee!-

After his mom, Burt, and Kurt had gone to sleep, Finn finally decided that it would be the perfect time to fit in the final CD of the day. He was only nine away from finishing. He pulled the eighth CD out of its case and placed it into the portable CD player. He listened to it spin continuously before the sound of Rachel's sweet voice filled his ears.

_In my last CD, I was uncharacteristically cruel. I apologize to you, Quinn. I should not have acted the way I have. I guess that the reality of my choice is becoming clearer to me. I've considered backing out several times, but…if these CDs end up on your doorstep, I think you know what to think._

_Now, let's move on to a more sentimental story that doesn't involve much betrayal or drama. It's your turn, Blaine Anderson._

Finn paused the CD. He knew Blaine and Rachel were friends, but he didn't know they were close. They obviously had to be if Rachel had included a CD dedicated to him. He pressed play and continued to listen.

_Blaine and I actually knew each other before Kurt met him. Blaine used to live in Dayton. I think I remember saying in one of the earlier CDs that I moved to Dayton for a short while when my dad took a job offer there. That's how I met Blaine. We were in the same fifth grade class and spent all summer together. Our love for Barbra Streisand is what brought us together. We were supposed to write a report on someone who inspired us, and no one was allowed to choose the same person/topic._

_Blaine and I both ended up arguing over who would get Barbra Streisand. His name came first in the alphabet, but when I managed to convince him Patti Lapone would be a better option for him, he reluctantly agreed and let me do the Barbra Streisand report. And became friends instantly._

_I had never known another boy, besides Kurt, who enjoyed the same things I did. We watched hours of 'Funny Girl' and other Barbra Streisand classics. And we would play with my Barbie dolls together. _

_And then my dad told me we were moving back to Lima because his old job had given him a much better offer then this new job had. Reluctantly, I went to say goodbye to my new friend. Summer had just begun and I was already leaving. And that's when Blaine told me he was gay. It's amazing how ten-year-olds in our generation know the meaning of the word and know who they are. Apparently, I was the first person he came out to. I promised to write him and stay and touch and told him we would be best friends forever. That never happened._

_And then high school started. Years had gone by and I had totally forgotten about Blaine. Until Kurt started talking about a Blaine Anderson at Dalton Academy. I wondered if this Blaine could be the same Blaine as my Blaine. So when Kurt and I became friends, I begged for him to introduce me to Blaine. Sure, I had seen him perform at sectionals, but I just wanted to be sure that this Blaine Anderson was the same Blaine Anderson I had been best friends with._

_Yes, it turned out he was. This Blaine Anderson was the exact same boy I spent countless hours with. This was the same boy who revealed to me at age ten that he was gay. This was the same boy I had promised to stay in touch with, but never did._

_And you want to know what hurt the most? He pretended not to know me when Kurt introduced us. He smiled and politely shook my hand and told me he was glad to meet me. I stood there, stunned, but went along with it. I knew he remembered me; I could see it in his eyes. He just didn't want to tell Kurt. Or maybe he was punishing me for breaking my promises. To this day, I am unsure of why Blaine pretended not to know me. And it will forever remain a mystery._

The CD stopped turning in the player, leaving Finn speechless. This had to have been the shortest CD yet. And it to have been one of the only CDs where Rachel didn't punish the recipient for what they did to her throughout her life.

He briefly considered playing the next CD, but he remembered that school started again tomorrow. He glanced at the clock. It was nearly eleven. He really should go to sleep now. But he knew it would be a while before he managed to fall asleep.

There was a light tap at the door. Great, he thought. The last thing he wanted was for his mom or Burt or Kurt to comfort him or ask him why he was up so late. Reluctantly, he muttered for whomever it was to come in. He wasn't surprised to see it was Kurt.

"You usually aren't up so late unless you're playing your Xbox." Kurt commented. "But then I remembered you got it taken away from you because of your grades." He paused. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." Finn mumbled.

"Finn…" Kurt approached his stepbrother and blinked sympathetically. "We're all hurting. Rachel's death was a shock to us all." Finn really hated the way Kurt managed to keep his voice so even when talking about Rachel.

"Why does everyone keep assuming it's Rachel?" He groaned loudly.

"You loved her." Kurt paused. "You still do. You never stopped."

"It doesn't make a difference now. She's dead." He really hated how bitter the words sounded as soon as they left his mouth.

"What are you listening to?" Kurt asked in attempt to change the subject. He reached out to press play, but Finn stopped him abruptly.

"Nothing."

"It isn't 'nothing' if you made that much of an effort to keep me from listening to it." Kurt huffed. Unable to reply, Finn just tossed the shoebox. He waited for Kurt to react, but nothing came.

"It's the last thing she did before she…died." Finn knew that putting Rachel's death into such terms as he did made it seem as though her death was an accident. Suicide just made it sound worse then it needed to be. Rachel didn't deserve that. "She recorded seventeen CDs. Each CD—"

"I get it." Kurt interrupted. "Rachel was always about making grand exits." He smiled weakly before pulling out the mailing list. He frowned. "It doesn't make much sense for her to put me second to last when I live in the same house as you. Wouldn't it have been easier to make me the second person on the mailing list instead of Mercedes?"

"Kurt…" Finn's voice trailed off.

"Sorry." He sighed. "How many have you listened to?"

"Eight, as of now." He paused. "I just finished Blaine's CD." At the mention of his boyfriend, Kurt's cheeks darkened in color.

"What did she say?"

"She and Blaine knew each other before you introduced them. She was hurt by the fact that he pretended not to know her." Finn explained, summarizing the CD. "They were best friends when she was ten. They were in the same fifth grade class."

"But…Blaine went to elementary school in Dayton…" Kurt's voice trailed off.

"Yeah, Rachel went to fifth grade in Dayton. One of her dads got a job offer there and they moved just for that year. Then they came back, and she and Blaine fell out of touch." Finn told him. Kurt was silent for a while before speaking up.

"Blaine never told me that. Why would he pretend not to know Rachel?"

"Rachel said maybe it was because she didn't keep in touch like she promised. She was the first person he came out to."

"Maybe he felt betrayed because he shared such a big secret with her and she failed to keep in touch as promised. Perhaps he thought it was because she had something against gay people." Kurt guessed.

"She had gay dads. I don't think Blaine would have thought that."

"Then maybe he just felt betrayed." Kurt said. "Has my CD come up yet?"

"No."

"Has yours?"

"No."

"Well…" Kurt's voice trailed off. "Just…get some sleep, okay? Don't stay up too late." He got to his feet and started away.

"You aren't going to listen to them?" Finn asked.

"It isn't my turn." Kurt smiled. "I'll wait." And then he left.

Finn sighed and turned off the light, staring at the ceiling. He tried to remember the last conversation he had with Rachel. God, it felt like it had been forever ago.

_"Finn!" She exclaimed as she raced up behind him. He had been walking down the hallway with Quinn, his arm loosely draping over her shoulder. He dropped his arm as Rachel raced up to him. He ignored the fact that she was wearing a hoodie that was much too big for her and jeans. A very un-Rachel-like outfit._

_"Go off somewhere else, RuPaul." Quinn sneered. Rachel stopped dead in her tracks, biting her lip to keep from crying. This Finn could see. He wanted to tell Quinn to back off a little, but at the same time, he sort of wished Rachel would leave him alone._

_"I-I need to talk to Finn." She stammered, shooting a pleading gaze in Finn's direction. Silence met her words. She glanced at the floor uncomfortably as she waited for Finn to answer._

_"Finn and I are busy." Quinn interjected, glaring at Rachel. Her eyes widened and she shot another pleading look in Finn's direction. He pretended not to notice her readjust her sleeves so none of her skin was visible. Before Finn could speak, Quinn pressed her lips to his. He wanted to pull away. Honestly, he did. But he found himself melting into the kiss. He heard Rachel shift uncomfortably behind them, but she didn't leave. So Quinn pulled away and cast another glare in her direction._

_"It's rude to stare." She hissed. Rachel averted her gaze just as the final bell rang. School had been dismissed for the day. He turned to Rachel. She looked like she was going to burst into tears at any second. _

_"I'll talk to you tomorrow?" His statement came out sounding more like a question. Her gaze was sad at first as she stared at the floor, but when she looked up at Finn, she looked as though her mind was set on something and a little…apologetic? Why would Rachel be sorry for him? He had everything._

_"We'll see." She answered. And then she was gone._

The next day, she died. There was never a moment in Finn Hudson's life when he hadn't felt guiltier.

**This chapter included a little of everything. It included the CD, a nice conversation between the two stepbrothers, and a flashback. I loved the flashback. And Blaine's CD was really…different. It was different in the sense that for once Rachel wasn't really blaming anyone. She was just simply reminiscing. How would you have felt if someone you were friends with pretended not to know you when a mutual friend introduced you without already knowing that you two know each other? Actually, I've that happen to me before, and let me just say that it sucks. See if you can guess whom the next CD belongs to. I'll give you a hint: it's a male in the glee club. Please read my other stories, like my Facebook page, and REVIEW!**


	11. Chapter 9: Artie

**Can I just say how horribly guilty I feel for not updating in forever and a half? Gosh, I just want to cry! I'm so very sorry guys! I know it's no excuse, but I've just been SO busy! I have tons of homework as I'm taking all AP and honors classes plus this year I'm on a varsity team at school. So my schedule is super tight. Not only that, but I've just been at a loss for what to write. I have everything for all my stories planned out; it's just a matter of writing it. And even though I have a plan written out, I still suffer from writer's block because I don't always know how transition between different ideas. **

**But beyond the point. This chapter is my absolute favorite by far! It's Artie's chapter, so congrats to all those who guessed Artie! It has the most interesting twist out of all the chapters this story has to offer so far. It may not be the longest, but I think it gets the point across. Let me know what you think! Enjoy!**

School was a bore. Glee club was definitely not gleeful. They sat there wallowing in their self-pity and staring at the floor. Even Mr. Schuester had nothing to say for once. He decided to give them the day off. They would meet again tomorrow and get back on track. They needed a new set list for regionals.

Finn tried to say something to Quinn about the CDs, but she left before he could. Everyone gave Finn a sympathetic look before they left. Mr. Schuester squeezed his shoulder and told him it would all get better with time. Finn bit his tongue to keep from telling Mr. Schuester nothing would ever fill the emptiness in him that Rachel left behind. Kurt told him not to wait for him because Blaine was giving him a ride home. Finn nodded his head; it gave him more time to himself.

He climbed into his truck and turned on the radio. It started blaring 'The One That Got Away' by Katy Perry. He listened to the lyrics and frowned, turning it off in the next instant. He didn't need any reminding of the girl that got away.

Finn drove home in silence. He refused to think of Rachel in fear of bursting into tears. He entered his house and trudged off straight to his room, ignoring the concerned look that flashed in his mother's eyes as he walked by her. As soon as he entered his room, he eyed the CD player. But he knew that as much as Rachel would want him to hear her story, she would want him to do his homework first. She had always told him how much she believed in him, and how she believed he could get into a good college. He didn't want her to stop believing in him just because she was dead.

After completing his homework, he picked up the CD player and the ninth CD. He placed in the player and plugged his headphones into his ears. Soon, Rachel's voice filled his ears.

_We're all ready nine CDs into my life story! Wow! Amazing, isn't it? Thanks everyone for sticking around. It really means a lot to me. I didn't want to die without you guys knowing why. We're almost done._

_This CD was probably the hardest one for me to record, considering all the memories that come along with it. The memories associated with his person made it hard to look him in the eye every day at school. _

_I'm talking about Artie._

Finn paused the CD, frowning. Had Rachel and Artie been romantically involved, too? He doubted it, but then again, he also doubted the fact that Rachel and Sam were ever dating or that Rachel had actually lost her virginity to Puck. He pressed play and continued listening.

_I'm pretty sure Artie doesn't like remembering either. It's why he avoided working with me as much as possible. Memories can serve both as something helpful or something…unhelpful. This memory was unhelpful to both of us, most likely for the same reason. _

_When we were eight, Artie and I were in the same class. My dads were friends with his mom, and therefore, we became friends, too. Not close like Quinn and I, but close enough to hang out nearly everyday when our parents got together. He was my best guy friend at the time. Because unlike Noah, he was respectful of my feelings. _

_Remember that at this time, Artie was not in the chair. He was able to walk and run and play just like the rest of us. The accident comes later on._

Finn paused the CD again and frowned as he thought. He remembered Artie mentioning something about an accident when he was eight. He remembered him saying it was the reason he was in the chair today. Could it be that Rachel had somehow been involved with that accident? He pressed play, feeling the tiniest bit guilty when a feeling of curiousity washed over him.

_Artie and I loved to play at the park. We had races to see how could slide down all the slides the fastest and then climb back up them. I would always win._

Finn could hear the smile in her voice as she bragged, and it sounded painful.

_Our parents would take turns taking us to the parks. After the slide races, their was always something else we would do. Each time we went to the park, it was different. One time, we hung upside on the tire swing together. I remember laughing so painfully hard when Artie's legs gave away and he fell flat on his butt. He did it again, pleased with my reaction, and I laughed even harder._

_Because before Artie was quiet and kept to himself, he was quite the class clown. He could make everybody laugh, but I was his favorite audience. I would laugh at nearly anything; I was easily amused. And this Artie took to his advantage._

_I'm getting off track. Where was I? Oh yeah; the park. Well, one time, on a cold December night close to my birthday, Artie and I decided to see who could hang upside down from the monkey bars the longest. He won, which put me in a horrible mood. I wouldn't talk to him for the rest of the time we were there. Ms. Abrams, seeing what a brat I was being, decided it was time to go home._

_When we made it back to her car, Artie went to climb in on his side. But me being the brat I was pushed him away and told him to sit on the other side. He didn't object; if there was one thing Artie knew, it was not to piss me off. He shuffled quietly over to the other side of the vehicle and climbed in, buckling his seatbelt and staring out the window. I buckled my seatbelt and crossed my arms, staring out my own window. Ms. Abrams let out a tired sigh before starting up the engine and pulling away from the park._

_Remember, it was a cold, dark night._

Finn paused the CD, eyes widening. He had been right; Rachel _**was**_ involved in Artie's accident. He pressed play, starting to feel a little sick.

_Ms. Abrams had a hard time seeing where she was going, and I could tell she was getting paranoid as the night grew darker and the cold air blasted through the open windows. She was clutching onto the steering wheel so tight that her knuckles turned white._

_Artie complained that he was cold. I opened my mouth to say something to him. Probably some snide remark about closing his window. I don't remember. All I remember is that whatever I wanted to say to him, I never got to say._

There was a pause in the CD and Finn heard Rachel draw in a shaky breath.

A car on the other side of the road swerved suddenly in our direction and hit the car dead on. I'm shuddering as I remember this. The metal of the screamed as it bent in ways it was not meant to bend in. Artie was screaming, Ms. Abrams was sobbing, and I'm pretty sure I was screaming to. As the car swerved off the road, it hit a tree. My head hit something. Hard. I could feel wetness at the back of my head. Blood. I sat there, in a daze, listening to Artie's scream suddenly cut short and Ms. Abrams sob. The blood was soaking through my clothes, and my arm was bent at an awkward angle. My chest hurt, and my vision was beginning to blur. In the distance, I could hear sirens. Help was on the way. But I lost consciousness before the EMT arrived.

_I woke up in a hospital a few days later with my dads sitting at my bed and Quinn in the background holding a giant teddy bear I presumed was for me. My dads showered me with kisses, tears spilling down their cheeks, and Quinn shyly handed me the teddy bear, telling me she would visit after dance class. She shuffled out of the room, leaving me with my dads._

_I felt groggy, but I couldn't feel that much pain. I had a broken rib, a broken arm, and had suffered from a concussion. I had hit my head pretty hard. I blinked furiously, but no matter how much I blinked, the room remained blurry. I knew my dads could tell. While Daddy was stressing over the injury somehow affecting my vision, Dad reassured me that it was because of the medicine._

_It was then I dared to ask about Artie and his mom. Daddy stopped rambling about my vision and became silent. Dad sucked in a deep breath and said Ms. Abrams was fine. Just a few cuts and bruises. She had gotten lucky._

_"What about Artie?" I asked. My dads exchanged a look before letting out a sigh. Artie had hurt his back. His spine was broken and he couldn't feel anything from the waist down. He would never, ever walk again. _

_I started crying. My dads did their best to comfort me, but nothing could be done. My friend would never walk again. I cried myself to sleep and didn't wake up for a while later._

_After the doctor assured that my condition was in good shape, he released me from the hospital. My dads and I walked passed Ms. Abrams, who was sitting in the waiting room. I stopped and gave her hug. She started sobbing quietly and hugged me back tighter than I had ever been hugged. I soon pulled away, my own eyes wet with tears, and told her to tell Artie to get better soon. She nodded her head and then we left._

_It took quite a few weeks before Artie was back in school. He had insisted on going back earlier then he was supposed to, as he was afraid that because of all his absences, he would have to repeat the fourth grade. I remember the feeling I felt when I walked into school to see Artie desperately trying to get control of his wheel chair as he very shakily rolled down the hallways. Kids were snickering around him, but they grew quiet when they saw me. I walked up to Artie with a big smile on my face and held out my cast, asking him if he could sign it. His gaze met mine, then traveled down to my broken arm, then my legs, to his legs and back to my eyes. And without even giving me an answer, he rolled away faster than I had ever seen him roll before._

_I bit my lip to keep from crying. Quinn reassured me that Artie would get over it soon; he was just jealous because I could walk and he couldn't. I believed her for a short while. But after some time passed, I realized that Quinn was wrong. Artie was never going to get over it. He was never going to get over it because I should have been the one in the chair, never to walk again. And I wasn't. I was walking with perfect strides right in front of him, reminding him of what he could've been if he hadn't given into my silly behavior. _

_On my last day of school before I moved to Dayton, Artie finally came up to me. I felt a wave of hope overcome me; maybe he was coming to apologize. Maybe he was coming to tell me he forgave me and we could still be friends._

_But instead, he told me this: "Don't tell anybody you were there." And then he rolled away. I watched him leave and felt one fat tear roll down my cheek. I wasn't even good enough to be a part of the story of how Artie was put in the chair._

_I listened to him tell the story multiple times. Never once did he mention me. I wasn't good enough to be a part of a tragic accident._

_When we did the 'Proud Mary' number for Artie, I felt what it was like to be in the chair, and I couldn't help but realize that this is what could've been. What _should've_ been. I felt Artie staring at me all week as I struggled to get by. I felt like crying the whole time. There were so many moments where I wanted to apologize; to somehow take back that one stupid choice I had made to give him his legs back._

_Maybe I would have lost mine in the process, but who cares?_

_Either way, I would have ended up like I am today._

_Dead._

The CD stopped turning in the player and Finn felt his blood run cold. To think that Rachel had a brush with paralysis made Finn's breaths become shallow. She wouldn't have been the same person if she were stuck in the chair. Finn had a sneaking suspicion that her personality would mimic the Rachel he had seen lately.

All he wanted was to hold her in his arms and wipe away her tears. He wanted her to have let him in to help share and eradicate her pain. He pushed away the thought that maybe that's what she had wanted when she approached him that one time.

But he couldn't hold her. He couldn't wipe away her tears or eradicate her pain. She was gone. She was dead. And all he had left of her were these CDs.

He put the tenth CD in the player.

**Makes you curious to know who's the lucky number ten, huh? I'll give you a hint: CD number ten belongs to a female member of New Directions. Except she's not in New Directions in the moment on the TV show…damn you, Troubletones. So what did you all think? Like it? Love it? How many of you missed this story? Can I take a moment to thank you all as well? Only nine chapters and a prologue and 238 reviews? THANK YOU! I mean it when I say I FREAKING LOVE YOU ALL. This is why I love writing: because of you amazing people. Thanks so much and keep the reviews coming! I'll update as soon as I can, which I hope is by this Sunday, but I can't make any promises. Wouldn't it be great if we could set a record for me and get 400 reviews by the end of this story? Like my Facebook page (and check it out to give me ideas and view sneak peeks!), read my other stories (an update on 'In the End, It's Right' and 'The Only Hope for Me is You' will be coming ASAP), and please…REVIEW!**


	12. Chapter 10: Mercedes

**So this chapter is one of the shorter ones, but I believe it still gets the point across quickly and accurately. In my last chapter, I told you guys this chapter belonged to one of the females in New Directions…but had moved to the Troubletones. Considering this story was written before season 2 was even completed, Sugar was not an option. Lauren is not a part of the Troubletones either. Brittany was already done. So this leaves Mercedes and Santana. And by reading this chapter's title, you will all know that this chapter belongs to the diva herself. So congratulations to those of you who guessed Mercedes! You all get Internet hugs! And to those of you who guessed incorrectly, you get Internet high fives! Enough of my rant. Enjoy!**

Finn listened to the CD spin in the player as he waited to hear Rachel's sweet voice to fill his ears. Somehow hearing her through these CDs made him think she was still here. Somewhere. He remembered the time she forced him to watch 'West Side Story' with him. There was that one song…it was called 'Somewhere'. He remembered tearing up at that song. Rachel had comforted him afterwards and told him to think of her whenever he heard that song. Because no matter where they stood with each other, there was always a place for them…somewhere, someday, somehow. He blinked back a few stray tears as Rachel's voice filled his senses.

_Only seven more CDs left…just seven more CDs. Making my list wasn't very hard, and yet somehow, executing the details that go into the list is quite difficult. Recording that last CD was so hard for me. I was so used to not telling anyone about the accident that I stopped thinking about it, too. In a way, it's relieving to know that yet another secret I kept to myself for so long is out. But I feel terrible, too. Remember that Artie doesn't want anyone to know I was there. I am invisible when it comes to that night. I'm not sure if that's changed, though. Has it? I'll never know. Things are always changing. Change is what life is about. Just like my decision may change._

There was a short pause.

_I guess if you get these you'll know that change isn't always possible._

Finn wished now more than ever that Rachel had changed her mind.

_But changes are always happening. They are everywhere. Change is what makes up the world. Things in my life are changing right now. My friendships, my relationships, and the way I view life itself._

_But one change that will always remain with me is the forever-changing status of my friendship with Mercedes Jones. And this is her CD. _

_Unlike nearly everybody else I've mentioned so far, I hardly knew Mercedes in elementary school. Sure, I had heard of her and her 'hell to the no' attitude when it came to other kids bullying her, and I knew she and Kurt were the best of friends, but I didn't know much else about her._

_Quinn told me she could sing. Really good. Almost as good as me. And that's when I decided it was time for me to acquaint myself with Mercedes. _

_I walked up to her at recess and waved hello, asking if she wanted to play with me. She scowled and stood up, crossing her arms and just barely standing an inch or two taller then me._

_"I've heard about you." She exclaimed. "You walk around with that 'better then everyone attitude'. Well, you ain't better then me. You ain't better then anybody." She sat back down and continued playing. I frowned; all I had asked was if she wanted to play with me. I tried again._

_"Look, white girl," She hissed at me. "You need to leave. I don't want you here." I walked away, and started crying to my teacher. She talked to Mercedes' teacher, and Mercedes had to sit out of recess for the next week. She hated me ever since. And I wasn't too fond of her either. Until I heard her sing._

_I had never heard Mercedes sing until seventh grade of middle school. She and Kurt did a duet to the song 'Love is a Battlefield' by Pat Benatar and I felt scared for the first time in my life. I was scared that maybe, for once, I wasn't good enough. Mercedes had one thing I lacked in my voice: soul. She had so much soul I thought maybe the world could actually become a better place. _

_I tried talking to Mercedes again. This time, with a different approach. We were older now, and a lot more mature. I told her I loved her voice, and would love to duet with her. She was skeptical at first, but soon agreed. At the Christmas talent show, we sang 'I'll Be Home for Christmas' and placed first. I started eating lunch with her and Kurt. This was around the time when Quinn and Brittany had distanced themselves from me, so it was nice to have Mercedes as a new friend._

_But Quinn was angry. She wouldn't stand for me to be happy, especially after our final argument. She told Mercedes that I was racist against black people and that I told Quinn personally that Mercedes should be working for me. Outraged, and rightfully so, Mercedes stopped speaking to me despite my attempts to try and explain the truth to her._

Finn frowned. If Mercedes had been a true friend to Rachel, then she would have listened to her over someone like Quinn. Finn liked Quinn, but when she was pissed at someone or really wanted to get a point across, she would not rest until her goal was achieved.

_We didn't talk much freshman year, but we were painfully aware of each other as we fought to be the top diva at the school. We both made efforts to put ourselves out on top, and even though we were both rejected by the unusually rude student body, we wouldn't let it go. _

_Then she joined glee club and became female lead. But I refused to join because of Mr. Ryerson. He creeped me out. So I waited for the right moment and got him fired. When Mr. Schuester took over, I joined glee club to let my star shine and took Mercedes' role as female lead. She instead sang back up for the rest of us. I know it was unfair of me, but I needed to prove to Mercedes, and maybe even to myself, that I was better._

_And I did. Mercedes became a minority in the glee club and I became the new shining face of the McKinley High School glee club. And maybe at some points that wasn't the best, but it the best for me. My insecurities about my voice were put aside as I belted out every female leading note. And despite the cruelty behind it all, I couldn't help but smirk whenever I heard Mercedes' voice in the background. Because deep in my heart, I knew it was me who should be singing back up and Mercedes singing lead. _

_That's why I gave Mercedes the ballad at sectionals. Not to score points with Finn, though that was an upside, but because it was right. I felt terrible for her when the Jane Adams girls stole her ballad. And I felt even worse when I had to take the stage to sing my ballad last minute. _

_It wasn't until Finn and I broke up that we started talking more. We ignored our past and held all-girl (Kurt included) sleepovers. That is, until life just became too suffocating._

_Mercedes approached me one day in the hallway with her hands on her hips. And she told me to get my act together. Finn breaking up with me and choosing Quinn instead wasn't a big deal. I needed to move on and find myself a better man. But there was no better man then Finn. Until I met Sam. _

_Mercedes introduced us as more then friends. And when we started dating, I felt happy again. But not whole. A part of me was missing, and I was scared that I would never get that piece of me back. _

_So Mercedes begged me to go see a therapist. She wanted to take me to see Ms. Pillsbury after school. I told her I couldn't. Ms. Pillsbury wouldn't be able to help me. She told me that I needed to give up the drama. If anything, it would draw Finn farther away. I told her I wasn't doing this for Finn or for attention. I wasn't doing it for anything. This was who I was. Who I had become. She snorted and told me to talk to her when I was sane again. I watched her leave, yet another person fading from the picture of my life. _

_So here I stand now. Apparently I'm still insane. And I guess that's okay. If insanity is the only way I can deal with the hurdles life throws at me, then I guess that's how it shall be. _

There was silence, leaving Finn alone with his thoughts. He thought about the CD. He thought about Rachel and Mercedes' forever-changing friendship status. He wondered what Mercedes would think when she received these CDs. Would she be wishing, just like him, that things could have been different.

He remembered a day when he noticed Mercedes and Rachel having a very in-depth discussion. He had just come to school five minutes late and still half asleep_. _But he was awake enough to notice the anguished look on Rachel's face and the pleading look in her eyes as they met his for the briefest of moments. He took two steps in her direction before feeling an arm circle around his. It was Quinn. And in an instant, Rachel was forgotten.

Finn couldn't help but feel guilty. It seemed guilt was the only feeling he could manage to feel these days. Guilt over how he treated Rachel. Guilt over the fact that he had played a part in her reasoning behind committing suicide.

It was only then Finn noticed the CD had not stopped turning in the player. Had Rachel forgotten that the recorder was still on? Wouldn't she have edited this portion out? He listened closer and heard the ruffling of sheets and then Rachel's breath.

_How many of you stuck around? Hm. I'm guessing only the ones with curious hearts. Oh well. I just thought maybe you all would like a little preview of our next CD._

Hell yes! Finn thought, leaning forward in anticipation.

_How about a hint? Well…this person…I loved this person very much. And this person played a huge role in my decision to end my life._

And then the CD stopped turning.

**We all know who's next, don't we? FINN! Who's excited? Me! I'm halfway finished with the chapter and let me tell you…IT'S AMAZING! It's sort of based off the song 'It Will Rain' by Bruno Mars and so drama-filled and makes you want to keep reading! I can't wait to post it for you guys to read! It will be my favorite chapter…next to Artie's. Did you guys see the Christmas episode of Glee this week? It was so cute. But we need more Finchel! Who agrees? Oh, and for those of you who check my Facebook page, thank you! I update it a lot more frequently now and with those updates come spoilers and sneak peeks! I know you all love those! Also…I got a Twitter! Follow me at Finntastic17 on Twitter! I don't tweet that much 'cause I only have four followers, but once I get more I'll be tweeting everyday! Thanks for all the amazing reviews! Only seven more chapters left…Chapter 11 will be up by Christmas. Happy holidays everyone! Be safe! Follow me on Twitter (Finntastic17…obviously with the at sign before it), like my Facebook page (Finntastic17- Fanfiction), read my other stories (I'm not really updating them until I get farther along with this one, but it would mean a lot to me if you read them XD), and most importantly…REVIEW! Let's see if we can get over 300 by the time this story is over! I've got 251 so far. Let's make it happen, guys! Love you all –insert heart here-.**


	13. Chapter 11: Finn

**Hello, readers! Wow, it sure has been a while since I've updated this story, hasn't it? I apologize. For a while, I had the worst case of writer's block regarding ALL my stories and lost my drive to write any of them. I meant to get back on it but everyday I turned on my laptop, I just couldn't find any inspiration. Finally, I realized just how much time had passed since I'd put out an update on any of my stories and continued writing what I started of Chapter 10 of 'The Only Hope for Me is You' (which I still have yet to finish) and then felt very motivated to finish Chapter 11 of 'In the End, It's Right' (for those of you who read that story as well not only has Chapter 11 been posted but so has Chapter 12 as of today). I took another brief hiatus to work on a book series I'm writing with my friend before sitting down to write Chapter 12 of 'In the End, It's Right' 'cause I felt motivated to continue after fine-tuning my plans for that story. Then I came across this story and decided that I'd kept you all waiting long enough xD. This chapter is intense. It's the one you've all been waiting for. So without further adue, I present to you…Chapter 11! AKA: Finn's chapter!**

_If you ever leave me, baby_

_Leave some morphine at my door._

'_Cause it would take a whole lot of medication_

_To realize what we used to have, we don't have it anymore. _

_~Bruno Mars, 'It Will Rain'_

Finn finished his dinner in silence, never once letting his gaze leave his plate. He could feel his mother's gaze on him, and could hear Kurt furiously texting next to him, glancing at him every now and again. Burt kept shooting concerned looks at his mom. When he finished, he put his plate in the sink and trudged up to his room. And he grabbed the eleventh CD and hesitated to open it. After listening to Mercedes' CD, he felt a little uneasy listening to this one. Rachel had warned them that this CD belonged to someone she cared deeply about. And even though Finn knew he sure as hell didn't deserve Rachel's love, he couldn't help but wonder if it was he she had been talking about.

"There's only one way to find out." He breathed to himself. He placed the CD in the player and listened to it spin inside.

_Six more…only six more. We're over halfway done, everybody! Wow! I have to say, this is probably the most interesting project I've ever done before. The story and secrets of my life and my reasons for wanting to end it. Hmm…wouldn't it be odd if I ended up changing my mind and I found these CDs later on in my life? Oh, the laughs we all would have. Too bad things aren't looking up right now; I don't see myself laughing with you guys about this 'joke'._

Finn sighed. Hearing Rachel's sarcastic humor made him slightly uncomfortable.

_So, if any of you stuck around till the end of the last CD, you would've heard my little hint. This CD, the eleventh one, is dedicated to someone I cared deeply about. Well, I still care deeply about them. I wonder if he's already picked up on the hint. Eleven out of seventeen…_

Rachel's voice trailed off and Finn's eyes widened. The hint! He and Rachel broke up on the seventeenth of November! This CD _**was **_his.

_Many of you may not have known this, but Finn and I broke up on November seventeenth. Strange, right? But when I was doing the order of these CDs, I realized the irony. Seventeen reasons why I'm committing suicide; the eleventh CD…it falls into place, doesn't it? And maybe Finn, of all people, doesn't deserve to be cared about by me, but I can't help the way I feel. _

_ Most of you were a part of my life when Finn and I began a relationship. And most of you were there to see it end. But not many of you were there from the beginning. No, not of our relationship, Noah; didn't I just say you were around-? Never mind. I'm talking about from the very first time I ever saw Finn Hudson's face._

Finn frowned, struggling to remember. Freshman year wasn't the first time he saw Rachel? Before that, things were kinda hazy.

_So let's go back all the way to the beginning. I mean, that's where all the best stories begin, right? It's almost like a fairytale. The princess and the prince fall in love and spend forever together and live happily ever after._

_ Except this isn't a fairytale, and there certainly aren't any happy endings in this story. At least, not for the princess, if you could consider me a princess for a brief moment. I know, I know; for some of you, it may be a stretch of imagination, but just try for once. You see, the princess made a mistake and the prince found a new princess who was perfect. She was pretty and smart and talented and just perfect; she was everything the other princess wasn't. And so this old princess…she just wanted to die._

Finn felt tears well up in his eyes. Rachel was so far off. Quinn wasn't perfect; she wasn't a princess. Rachel was perfect and she was the perfect and the only girl Finn ever saw, even while he was with Quinn. But he was such an idiot…he made her believe she was the most worthless piece of shit that ever crossed his path.

_And he lived happily ever after with his new princess and the old one…well, I don't know about her. I don't know if death will bring her the peace of mind she was looking for when she lived. _

_ Ha! That's a sad story, isn't it? Too bad it isn't fictional. It's probably the closest to the truth as you could get. _

No, Finn thought. It isn't, because I would've chosen Rachel. My happily ever after isn't with Quinn.

_Now, from the beginning because every story has a prequel. There are always stories before the story even begins. So let's begin ours! This is your CD, Finn Hudson. Get ready for the ride of your life._

There was a pause in the CD and Finn gulped. After hearing how Rachel had torn Quinn apart and said some things to other people that could be considered hurtful, he could honestly say he was a bit scared to hear what Rachel had to say about him. After all, he had played a big part in the making of her decision.

_Kindergarten. That's where I first saw Finn. Well, we didn't meet in kindergarten. That's just where I first saw him. He played soccer with the other boys. He was very sporty; any game they played, he was the star of it. See? Even back then, Finn was popular. _

_ However, Finn and I never ended up in the same class. It was quite odd, really. I knew nearly everyone before middle school began. But not Finn; I knew who he was…I just didn't know him. Sixth grade was different though. Finn and I had the same language arts class. He was on the basketball team and every girl wanted him. So not much has changed._

Finn frowned. He and Rachel had the same sixth grade language arts class? Weird. He was convinced that he didn't know who she was till maybe seventh grade at the earliest. But the first time he took notice in her was freshman year.

_He sat in the row behind me and I was convinced that during our tests he'd lean over my shoulder to copy my answers._

Rachel was the girl he cheated off of? Since when?

_I remember one time I purposefully failed one of my tests so he would fail too. He was so mad…it was actually really funny to watch. Noah was laughing his ass off at Finn's face. Do you remember that, Finn? You were so close to punching Noah. It was really cute, actually, to watch you all worked up. You kept murmuring to yourself about how it was impossible._

_ And that was when I first had any interaction with Finn. I turned around and smirked at him. That was all; no words were exchanged. I just watched his face pale before turning around and giggling to myself. Finn and I didn't speak until seventh grade after Karofsky and I got in that…predicament. He came up to my locker, which surprised me._

_ "You and Karofsky?" He smirked. See, Finn was an ass in middle school. Sorry, hun, but it's the truth._

Finn sighed. He wasn't the nicest in middle school; this was true. He just wanted to fit in. But in high school he sorta lost the desire to be a carbon copy of everyone else. He didn't want to be a stereotype.

_"Why does it matter?" I scoffed, shutting my locker. Finn and I had never spoken before and with an approach as rude as his, I wasn't going to be like all those other girls. _

_ "Dunno. It's just funny." Finn shrugged, walking alongside me as I started towards gym. I wrinkled my nose._

_ "My romantic life is not something to be laughed at." I rounded on him and he held his hands up in surrender._

_ "What romantic life?" He asked smugly. I felt the color drain from my face as he smirked again. _

_ "You…you're such an ass!" I exclaimed, frustrated. I'd never really cursed out loud before and Finn just laughed it off._

_ "Whatever." He rolled his eyes. "So are you and Karofsky on or off?"_

_ "You're worse then the cheerleaders here." I hissed. _

_ "So on?" He continued as if I hadn't spoken._

_ "No!" I exclaimed, marching into the girls' locker room. I knew he wouldn't follow me. Finn was all talk in middle school; I could see right through him. He was the star player on the basketball team and he was desperate to fit in. Maybe in some of his embellished stories he'd follow the girl into the locker room but reality was another story. I waited for a few moments, almost as if I were daring him to enter. He didn't, of course. I knew he wouldn't._

"How could I have forgotten that?" Finn murmured. Now that he thought about it, he could vaguely remember the confrontation. Jeez, he was such a jerk.

_The rest of the seventh grade year went by and Finn and all his buddies would snicker at me every time I walked through the halls, but I didn't care. They were too childish for me to give a shit. Eighth grade was like sixth grade in the sense that I only shared one class with Finn and didn't have any interaction._

_ Then high school began, and so did everything else. Finn had really changed over the summer. Almost like it was too good of a change…he was really sweet and when he dated a girl, he committed to her and only her. Of course, Finn didn't really date anyone other than Quinn and me._

_ Freshman year wasn't my best year. I was at the bottom of the social totem pole and Finn was at the top. But I remember one thing and one thing in specific. He and Quinn went to homecoming together and I went by myself. Well, I went with Jacob, but I'd rather say I went by myself to save myself from embarrassment. As predicted, they won homecoming king and queen. Such an honor, right? These two were only freshmen yet they were the most popular kids there. Either way, Quinn managed to convince the other Cheerios to distract me and poor the punch all over me. Finn was supposed to be in on the prank, as he was supposed to ask me to dance. But instead…well, it didn't really play out that way._

Finn smiled. He remembered this; it was the first time he held Rachel in his arms. It was also his first memory of them because he remembered thinking how…right it felt to hold her like he was.

_See, Finn asked me to dance. I was skeptical; why would someone like Finn be asking someone like me to dance? Especially since he had someone like Quinn. I also took into account that most of the Cheerios had disappeared at this point. Finn extended his hand towards me and I warily took it. He pulled me close to him and we danced together. I think that's when I realized I was beginning to fall for Finn. He was such a gentle giant and had certainly transformed from the jerk I dealt with seventh grade year._

_ "I gotta tell you something." Finn whispered to me. I looked up at him; what if he was going to express his undying love for me? _

_ "Yes?" I asked. It was funny how up until this point, Finn and I hadn't spoken since seventh grade. And I don't think he even remembered that conversation. _

_ "The Cheerios…they're planning on pulling this really nasty prank on you. Involves fruit punch." He flashed me a guilty smile. "I was supposed to distract you, but…I can't do it." I pulled away from him slowly._

_ "Oh." I glanced at my feet. He pulled me from the gym and out into the hallway._

_ "They won't look for you here. I'll say that you left." He smiled a genuine smile as he started back towards the gym. "You're cool, Rach. I'll see you around." _

_ That was the first time Finn called me by his pet name for me. Rach. I felt my heart skip a beat and I knew I was falling for him. I was just like all those other girls now. _

No, Finn thought. You were always just Rachel to me.

_Finn and I talked on and off again, but it wasn't really until glee club that we began talking. We became friends, considered dating, then thought against it when Quinn got pregnant. Then we actually dated and broke up, and began dating again. Until November eleventh this year. I messed up. I messed up real bad and I've tried so many times to tell you I'm sorry, Finn, but you just never listened. Maybe now you're listening. I don't know and I don't know if I will know. After all, according to The Band Perry, 'a penny for my thoughts; oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar. They'll be worth so much more after I'm a goner, and maybe then you'll hear the words I've been saying…funny when you're dead how people start listening'. _

_ Finn played such a huge role in my decision because he was the person who meant the most to me. Next to family, Finn was the only one I felt closest to. And he dragged my heart around and right out made me feel like shit. Don't get me wrong; I know I'm not blameless here. Trust me when I say that depressing thoughts help you find yourself at fault with everything. But when he took Quinn back and just outright ignored me…I didn't see the Finn I loved anymore._

_ I saw the Finn I knew in seventh grade. The fact that he just ignores me in the hallways and doesn't defend me when I'm shoved into lockers or covered in a slushy or…I can't even continue. _

There was the sound of a sob and then the CD stopped turning. Finn was stunned as he sat on his bed with the player in his hand. He didn't move. He didn't do anything except stare and wish and hope it could all be different. Rachel's goal wasn't to make him feel guilty, but since day one that was the only feeling he felt. Other than numb, of course.

He could hear Kurt turn on his radio and listened as 'If I Die Young' began to play. He listened closely, setting down the CD player. And then Finn Hudson did the only thing that felt normal to him now.

Finn Hudson began to cry.

_Everyday it'll rain, rain, rain…_

**I used Bruno Mars' 'It Will Rain' to set the mood for this chapter. And I don't know how accurate the break up date is (probably not all that accurate considering they broke up closer to Christmas) but I thought it'd be a nice little touch to add effect. So how many of you liked this chapter? Did you love it? Maybe it wasn't worth the wait, as that was a long ass time to wait xD, but I hope you enjoyed it. Was it everything you expected it to be? What'd you think of jerk Finn? He wasn't even that much of a jerk but compared to the one Rachel fell in love with, he sorta was. And the lyrics Rachel quoted came from 'If I Die Young' (see the irony there?) by The Band Perry. So the next chapter belongs to either one of these people: Santana, Shelby, or Mike. Any guesses? Hmm…hopefully updates will be quicker now, but until next time, like my Facebook page (Finntastic17- Fanfiction), follow me on Twitter (Finntastic17), read my other stories, but most importantly…REVIEW! Thank you all for everything, especially your patience!**


	14. RIP Cory Monteith

My fellow Gleeks.

Today truly is a saddening and heartbreaking day. There are no words I can think of to console the sadness that wells up in my heart as I listen to 'Don't Stop Believing' yet again. Cory Monteith was a wonderful man with a beautiful heart and soul. He changed a lot of our lives and taught us many things. For many of us, it was easy to identify with such a magnificent young man. He did such great things for everyone. And the way he loved Lea Michele, both as Finn Hudson on Glee and Cory Monteith in the real world, was remarkable. It goes to show that good guys do exist, for he truly was one of them.

I was bullied a lot throughout middle school and part of high school, as I have yet to finish (I graduate this year). It was depressing and a very hard time for me. I ended up curling up in this shell and remaining hidden from the world as I feared being hurt again. Then Glee came…I instantly fell in love with its characters, its lessons, and its stories. I identified the most with Rachel, but I fell in love with Finn:). I loved how he loved Rachel, and it made me feel loved in a way. That's how powerful Cory was as an actor…he made someone as insignificant as me feel special. He was my first celebrity crush and helped me set my standards for men. If they're not like Finn, then they're not worth it…lol. It seems unrealistic, yes, but at the same time…it's not.

Cory Monteith was my hero. I could not thank him more for what he's done for me. Though he will never truly know, he did make such a huge difference in my life, and for that, I am grateful. I hope he finds peace where he is now3 and my heart, of course, goes out to his family and Lea. God bless, and don't stop believing. Stay tuned this week for an update of some of my stories in honor and in memory and dedicated to Cory Monteith.

Rachel Berry on Glee once said that being a part of something special made you special. It was later repeated in season two by Finn Hudson when he and Rachel were fighting. He asked if she considered them to be a part of something special.

Cory, you are forever in the hearts of millions of fans. You have clarified the meaning of special for us, and you will always be a part of something special.

~Finntastic17

RIP Cory Monteith 7/14/13. You will be missed.


	15. Chapter 12: Mike

**Gosh, guys, I'm so sorry for totally abandoning you all like that for soooo long. I've just been so busy and I sort of lost the inspiration to write for a while. I tried and tried but nothing came to me. Can you believe how long I've been working on this chapter? Try, uh, FOREVER. Just kidding xD this one was really fun to write in the sense that there are flashbacks as well as Rachel's CD excerpts in this one. The last chapter was Finn's, and I know that was one you guys were wanting for a while. I hope you enjoyed reading it, though all the positive reviews told me you did:). I'm glad. So I want to dedicate this chapter to Cory Monteith and his memory, because he truly was an inspiration to me. I can't believe it's already been eight months without him…RIP Cory. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. It's Mike Chang's turn cx.**

_Can you believe we are only five CDs away from the end? Lucky number five… goodness, it sure came fast. _Rachel's voice trailed off and silence met her words. Finn listened in anticipation, rubbing his swollen red eyes as if tears were still falling. He didn't care what the other dudes thought of him at this point; crying seemed to be the only thing he knew these days. The only thing that seemed familiar in this horrible world without his beacon of light. Without the love of his life. But the tears had stopped falling…at least, for now. It was almost as if he had run out of tears to cry.

The thought made his eyes well up with warm tears. No. He would never run out of tears to cry for Rachel. Because there would always be this hole…this big empty hole, right in his heart, where her presence used to be. It ached with the memories of all the wonderful moments they had shared together; it pulsed with the longing he felt to kiss her soft lips, hold her small body against his, and relish in how perfectly her hands fit his.

It was after school, and he was waiting for glee rehearsal to start. He had gone the past few days without listening to any of the CDs. The last one had belonged to him; he needed to take time to digest everything he had heard. But today, Finn had felt a yearning to listen to Rachel's voice. It was a strong feeling, stronger than any he had ever felt before; it was layered with grief and thick with guilt and longing. It was so utterly… Rachel. This feeling, it could only be reserved for Rachel.

The return of her voice snapped him out of his trance immediately. _I'll tell you a secret. _Her voice was hushed as she spoke. _Today, I was walking through the hallway and I saw Finn. He was alone, grabbing books from his locker. My gaze lingered a little too long; he saw me staring at him. But rather than ignore me, he actually flashed me one of those adorable half-smiles. And…I, well…I felt something. Something other than this overwhelming sadness. I felt…hopeful. I smiled back, and then he closed his locker and walked away._

_ It wasn't really anything, if you step back and analyze it. But then again, if you step back and analyze everything in this world, you'll see that everything isn't really anything. It's only something. But this…something…it was enough to keep me going. It was enough to help me think…and my thoughts are maybe…just maybe, I'll pull through. Maybe I won't go through with this. _

_ His smile…gosh. It was so adorable. So perfect. So completely and utterly Finn. I know I'm with Sam. And I really appreciate him being here for me. But maybe…I mean, Finn is my epic love. Maybe things will work out. Maybe he really is the one. I think…I think Finn might represent hope for me._ Finn could hear a trace of joy in her voice, and it killed him.

He should have been there for her.

He should have seen beneath the charade and helped her.

He should have never left in the first place.

He should have—

"Dude, those things are ancient." A voice sounded to his right. Finn pulled one of the headphones out of his ear to see Puck standing over him. "I thought you had an iPod."

"I do." Finn replied shortly, pausing the CD.

"What are you listening to?" Puck asked, taking a seat next to him.

"Just…" For a moment, Finn considered telling him about Rachel's CDs, just like he had told Kurt and Quinn. But he decided against it. "Some old CDs my mom had lying around the house. They…remind me of Rachel." It wasn't a complete lie. But it wasn't the whole truth. And half truths are still whole lies, or so said Rachel one of the many times he was over at her house over the summer when they'd first started dating. He hadn't quite understood what it meant until now.

"Ah." Puck ran his fingers through his Mohawk, a flash of indescribable grief entering his gaze. Finn remembered from one of the earlier CDs that Rachel and Puck had had a history. He wondered if Puck had ever thought about those precious moments he'd spent with her since her death.

"Do you ever think about her?" Finn blurted out. He didn't know why he asked this. It wouldn't help him either way. But…he had to know. He had to know that Rachel _**had**_ impacted someone's life other than his. Finn wasn't expecting Puck to tear up; after all, this is _**Puck**_ we are talking about. But his eyes became shiny with new tears as he let out a shaky sigh.

"Yeah, all the time, dude." He said softly. "It's like…I can't stop thinking about her. I still feel like I can hear her laugh…" His voice trailed off and Finn looked away as tears of his own sprang into his eyes. "But I doubt I think of her as much as you must."

"She's my every thought." Finn whispered. Hesitantly, Puck placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I will never forget her. I loved her too." Puck said this a bit awkwardly, as if he expected Finn to kick his ass for feeling such things for his girl. Which, if she weren't dead, he totally would have. But Finn wanted Rachel to be loved…by everyone, if it was possible.

"I know." Finn sighed. Silence clung to the air around them until Puck finally decided to speak up again.

"Let's go to glee rehearsal. I think we all really need to lean on each other right now." He suggested quietly, standing up. Finn blinked slowly, getting to his feet.

"Yeah." He agreed lamely, his voice sounding detached. "Let's go."

-glee!-

_But I still have so many untold stories to tell. Even if Finn is my hope, the bleak light shining through all this darkness, I still need to finish what I started. And then we'll just see if these end up on your doorstep. _

Finn was home now. Glee rehearsal was the same as usual; they sat in silence and sort of stared at the walls with glazed eyes and dreary looks of aching misery. Mr. Schue gave them another day off. He was struggling just as bad; when Rachel had been alive, she pretty much usurped Mr. Schue's power and took over glee club. Without her, Finn knew he had to be struggling to find a motivation as strong as Rachel's to keep the club alive.

Today, Kurt asked if it was at all possible to withdraw from nationals at this point. Yeah, it was a big break for them, but without Rachel, it was pointless. She had been their star. And not only that, being in New York without her…it was just wrong. She was _**made**_ to be in that city with the brightest lights spelling out her name. She was born to be a star. But her light had burned out far before its time. This thought made Finn feel sick. It was a horrible thought, but such a true one. However, withdrawing was something that, even in her worst state, Rachel would never agree to doing. They deserved to compete at nationals, she would say. With or without her. Thinking of this brought a half-smile to his face. Rachel would never, _**ever**_ let them withdraw from the competition. But Finn didn't tell Mr. Schue this. In fact, Mr. Schue agreed to look into it. Finn wanted to argue, but at the same time, he wanted to just stay home. Because going without Rachel was completely unbearable.

Realizing that while being lost in his thoughts he had missed quite a bit of what Rachel said, he hit the rewind button. As he did, he thought of one of the very last dates he and Rachel had gone on before they broke up. This time, he agreed to let her plan date night. He never let Rachel plan their dates for two reasons. One, he had always been taught that in order to be real man, he had to treat his girl right. And that meant being chivalrous, as Rachel called it, and opening doors for them, pulling out their chairs, giving them a kiss good night, and most certainly, treating them to dinner or a movie or whatever the date entailed. The second reason was because he had always been afraid of what Rachel would plan; she was a very high maintenance girlfriend, and had a very vivid, romantic imagination. If he let her gain control over date night, there was no telling what they would do. For all Finn knew, they would end up in a horse-drawn carriage on the way to some big, fancy palace.

But this night, after much begging, he reluctantly agreed to let her plan their date. She was giddy with excitement, and while Finn found this adorable, he also found it scary. He could almost see the horse-drawn carriage as he left his fourth period that day.

_When he went to his locker, Rachel was waiting there. She lifted her chin the moment he approached her and smiled deviously. "You're picking me up at seven sharp. Don't be late. And wear something casual." She announced before marching away. He blinked, frowning. Casual? What kind of horse carriage ride was this? Now he was curious. _

_ Finn found himself bugging her for more details about the date for the rest of the day, but Rachel was a stubborn girl. It was actually really cute; she would always wrinkle up her nose in this adorable way when she was being stubborn. He loved it when she did that. Rachel revealed nothing to him. So Finn went home completely clueless. _

_ He dressed casually, as told, and arrived at seven exactly with flowers in hand. Roses were Rachel's favorite; but not just any rose. The light pink ones with the darker edges. She beamed as she opened the door, revealing that she was wearing a black and white top with a bow on it and an opening in the back with a short black mini skirt. Her hair was straight and fell perfectly just below her shoulder. In short, she was beautiful. Absolutely stunning, even if so casually dressed._

_ "You look beautiful." He breathed. Rachel blushed and took the flowers gently from his hand._

_ "Thank you." She murmured. He didn't know if she meant for the compliment or the flowers, but he just nodded his head and smiled, doing his best to keep his eyes from dropping to her chest. "Let's be on our way. We can't be late."_

_ "Late for what?" He asked. Rachel smiled mischievously and shyly took his hand in hers._

_ "You'll see." She replied. They got in Finn's car and she gave him directions to where they were going. It was then he realized after several left and right turns that she was directing him to the park._

_ "We're going to the park?"_

_ "Yes. This is part one of our date tonight."_

_ "Part one? How many parts are there?"_

_ "Just two." Rachel said softly. "Come on; let's walk." They got out of the car and walked together. She clutched onto his arm tightly as the cool November breeze sent a shiver down his spine. Or was it just the simple intimacy of this moment with his perfect girlfriend? Surely he didn't deserve a girl as perfect as she; what did she see in him?_

_ Rachel finally stopped him in a clearing, glancing up at the night sky. Then she sat on the ground. Confused but intrigued, Finn did so too. She smiled at him._

_ "I've always wanted to take you here. When I was little, I'd play right here, in this opening. I remember feeling so free out here; other kids enjoyed the playgrounds, but this clearing did it for me. I just felt unlimited…untouchable. Why, with an area so vast, you really do feel in control." She smiled at the memory. "And then one day my daddies brought me here at night, and I was completely awestricken by the beauty of the night. The stars glittered restlessly above my head and I remember thinking there could never be a more perfect moment than this. But I was wrong."_

_ "Huh?" Finn had been so captivated by Rachel's story; he hadn't expected such a sour twist. But she giggled._

_ "I was wrong because…well, every moment I spend with you is perfect. And this right here…watching the stars with you…it is perfect." Rachel blushed and Finn grinned, wrapping his arms around her tiny frame and bringing her body close to his. He kissed her forehead tentatively and slowly the couple lay down together in the grass, snuggling and watching the stars glitter._

_ "Look." Finn pointed towards the sky. "A shooting star." Rachel smiled and snuggled closer to him._

_ "I wish to have more moments like this with you." She breathed, turning to face him. "I love you, Finn." This was the thing about Rachel: she hardly ever told him that she loved him. He told her any chance he could get, but Rachel only told him so every now and then. Not that he cared; she definitely showed her love for him. He didn't need to hear those three words to determine how she felt for him. But to hear it now…it was just perfect._

_ Finn chose not to answer her and instead kissed her soft lips. She reacted immediately, cupping her tiny hand around his cheek. He moaned softly, deepening the kiss and sliding his tongue into her mouth. She quickly accepted and moaned as well. And suddenly, Finn felt alive. His kisses became much needier; he hungered for her. Rachel pulled away and let her lips trail down his neck with soft, delicate kisses. But before he could react in any way, she stopped and sat up._

_ "Let's move on to part two." She decided. Finn frowned but sat up as well, not wanting to anger her. They got back in the car and she once again gave him directions. But this time, he was much more confused, for the place she had directed him to was his own house. _

_ "Rach—" He began, but she had already jumped out of the car and started up the walkway. He sighed and got out as well, locking the door behind him and following her inside. She walked past the living room and towards the stairs, climbing them slowly. He followed her before realizing she was taking him to his room. Now he was lost._

_ "Rach, why are we here?"_

_ "Because you love me." She replied. "And because I love you." She closed the door behind them without anything else, she closed the distance between them with fiery hot kiss. He was almost taken aback by the amount of passion this tiny girl put into this kiss, but he didn't argue. _

_ He and Rachel made it to third base that night. And as they lie in his bed, breathing heavily from all that they'd done, she turned to him with a smile. _

_ "I love you."_

_ "I love you, too." And they kissed again._

Tears had formed in his eyes as he relished in the memory. It was so upsetting to remember just how happy they had been only weeks before turning on one another, seeming to forget the love they had once shared.

He stopped rewinding the CD and pressed play, holding onto the memory as if his life depended on it. He couldn't bear to let it go; he couldn't bear to let _**Rachel **_go.

_So let's move on. We're on CD number twelve, which is exactly how old we were when we first met. The irony…you could even venture to say I had it planned this way, just as I planned accompanying Finn's story with CD eleven. _Rachel paused and Finn winced. _Anyways, our next protagonist is probably one of the only people that I didn't know through school. At least, not at first. Because, you see, his parents paid to send him to fancy private schools so he would receive the best education possible. They had high hopes for their son. I'm talking about Mike now. _

_ Mike and I met when we were twelve years old. I had never seen him before; like I said, he went to private schools up until high school. We met through dance class. My daddies had signed me up because I knew that if I were to see my name in lights, my voice wasn't the only thing I needed to train. I would also need to dance and hone my incredible acting skills. _

_ You see, Mike wasn't originally part of my dance class though. Matt Rutherford took dance with me, and he and Mike were best friends. And Matt chose to bring Mike with him one day, just for the hell of it, not even knowing if Mike could dance or not. Which now we all know that he definitely can. But isn't it strange that if it had not been for Matt, we would never know of his incredible talent?_

_ Anyways, back to my story. Mike and I met at dance class thanks to Matt. I hardly interacted with Matt, but that day, I was paired with Mike to learn the choreography to our new dance routine. I was disappointed at first; I didn't want to be stuck with the new kid, knowing he would probably never show up again. But I faked a smile and welcomed Mike to the class. He didn't say much, so not a lot has changed since then. As we started to dance, I realized just how good he was. Mike had strong arms to lift me with and he had an amazing sense of rhythm. It was almost like he was born to dance. And suddenly, I wasn't upset about being partnered with him; I had the best dancer as my partner, and regardless of whether or not he returned, for today, everyone in that class would be jealous of me. _

Finn smiled. Rachel had always had a weird obsession with her image and how she looked to other people. While sometimes frustrating, Finn thought it was cute. He could only imagine what a twelve-year-old Rachel was like.

_When were dismissed, I took the initiative to walk up to Mike. "Hi, I'm Rachel Berry." I told him. Mike exchanged a glance with Matt, who shrugged but didn't take his eyes off me. _

_ "Hi." He muttered._

_ "You are really talented. I would know, because I'm really talented as well." I declared, lifting my chin._

_ "Thanks." Mike replied quietly._

_ "You'll come back, right?" I asked._

_ "I don't know. My parents aren't really into me taking dance…"_

_ "That's absurd!" I exclaimed, placing my hands on my hips. "You're very talented, and that's a lot coming from me, 'cause I'm very talented too." I repeated before continuing. "I'm what you would call a triple threat; I sing, dance, and act." Mike looked overwhelmed by my attitude and just nodded his head. "Your parents must let you return; to let a talent like yours go to waste would be such a shame."_

_ "I like dancing." Mike shrugged. "But my parents want me to focus on school so I can be a doctor."_

_ "You can still dance." I insisted. "Just ask them. Or I will." Mike's eyes widened at this thought and he nodded his head._

_ "I guess I can ask."_

_ "Great! Then I will see you tomorrow. Bye, Mike!" I grinned widely and marched away. The thing is, I was so desperate for Mike to return that I actually would have found a way to talk his parents into letting him come back. But there was no need for that because Mike came back the next day and every day after that. And yes, Noah, he actually liked being paired with me. We both excelled when we were together and soon became the center of attention during dance recitals, just as I had hoped. Mike was the kind of person I needed to boost my star potential. _

_ But it became more than that; Mike and I were friends as well as dance partners. He helped me with a lot of things. But it isn't my place to discuss yet what exactly Mike helped me with; you'll see later on when we reach another CD._

_ In turn, I helped Mike too. During the summer vacation after sophomore year, since I was busy dating Finn, I only showed up to class once a week, and only for brief periods of time. Mike and I never had the same schedule since he was running the Asian Camp, but there was one day where we did attend the same class. I smiled at him and asked him how his summer was. Even though we went to the same school, had a lot of the same classes, and were in glee together, Mike and I really only talked at dance._

_ "I have a problem, Rachel." He whispered to me as he put his belongings in his locker. I frowned._

_ "A problem?" I repeated in a whisper. "What kind of problem? Is it serious?"_

_ "In view of other things, probably not, but to me…"_

_ "Okay, I get it." I closed my eyes briefly, trying to envision what his problem could be. Maybe it had something to do with his parents; I knew how strict they were with him. Or maybe he had received news of a horrible injury that would forever keep him from dancing. Or maybe he was dying of a horribly fatal disease. Or maybe…he had been in love with me all this time and he chose now to tell me of his feelings. I paled at the thought and quickly reopened my eyes. "What's the problem?"_

_ "I think I'm in love." He admitted, turning to face me, his cheeks a dark red color. As far as I'm concerned, Mike had never had a girlfriend before. He was always so shy. My heart started to race as he spoke though. I didn't quite know how I'd react, now that I was with Finn, but part of me wonders…if I hadn't been with Finn, would I had hoped for Mike to say he was in love with me? I'll never know, nor do I think I want to know. I love Finn with all my heart, and I don't think anyone could have ever replaced him or the love we shared. _

Finn smiled at the thought, but it was a sad smile. He felt the same way; no one could ever replace the love he and Rachel shared. It was special, and unlike anything he had ever felt before. He doubted he would ever feel that way again; there was something special about your first love. It's almost like every single love after that had to measure up to the standards your first love had left you with. It was safe to say that no one would ever measure up to Rachel's standards.

_"In love?" I squeaked, then regained my composure. "In love with whom?" I repeated more calmly._

_ "You have to promise not to tell anyone." _

_ "Okay."_

_ "I mean, no one."_

_ "Alright."_

_ "Not even Finn."_

_ "Okay, Mike! I promise." I frowned and waved my hand dismissively as I stared at him, waiting to hear his confession. He sighed and looked around nervously before smiling slightly._

_ "I think I'm in love with Tina."_

_ "Tina? As in, our Tina? The one who's dating Artie?" I blinked. Tina and Mike… they'd make a perfect couple, if it weren't for the fact that she was already dating someone. His face fell at this and he sighed again._

_ "Yeah. We're both counselors at Asian Camp and she's really nice. We talk a lot and text every single day." He looked at me. "I really like her, Rachel. I need your help."_

_ "My help?" I frowned. "Why my help? We've hardly talked this whole year!"_

_ "Because I know you and how you think. Though you won't admit it, you're a hopeless romantic at heart, and I need you to help me win Tina over." He explained. I blushed, knowing that my being a romantic at heart was very true. _

_ "But, Mike…she's with Artie. If she weren't, I'd say go for it, but since she is…" Mike frowned impatiently. _

_ "That's really hypocritical of you to say."_

_ "What do you mean?!" _

_ "Finn was with Quinn and you totally stole him from her."_

_ "I did no such thing! Finn left Quinn on his own accord because Quinn cheated on him and lied to him." I argued, raising my chin and crossing my arms. Mike rolled his eyes._

_ "Whatever you need to tell yourself. Please, Rachel?" Maybe it was the way he said my name, so desperately and full of hope, or maybe it was the way he stared at me with such longing in his eyes…I don't really know. But I sighed and nodded my head._

_ "Okay. Fine. But you will not tell anyone of my helping you!"_

_ "Why would I?" Mike frowned. True enough; why would Mike want anyone to think he needed relationship advice from me, of all people?_

_ "I think you should sing for her."_

_ "Sing? Me? No."_

_ "Mike! You said you wanted my help! Be open to what I have to say!" I scolded him as if he were a child and he sighed, nodding for me to continue. "I know that you're not really known for your singing, but you have to have a nice voice, Mike…otherwise you wouldn't be in glee. Right?" _

_ "I guess…" _

_ "Exactly. If Tina is anything like me, then you should know it is always the thought that counts when receiving a gift." I smiled. "Finn and I don't know each other that well yet, so we have a hard time getting each other presents. Or, at least, he has a hard time getting me gifts." I giggled at this. "And while I do hope that some day he will catch on, I love his gifts, because I know he means well."_

Finn smiled. For the longest time, he would surprise Rachel with little presents every now and then. But he always got her things he felt she never liked. Little things, like earrings or necklaces. But she would never wear them, and when he finally asked her why, she presented him with her first gift to him. It was a notebook filled with notes written by her every day from the very beginning of their relationship. He had almost been unable to concentrate on their date that day because he was so transfixed by reading the notebook. Until now, Finn had totally forgotten about that; he wondered where he had stashed the notebook. He knew he didn't throw it away; it was just a matter of finding it, and he would find it. He _**needed**_ to find it…at least then, he would be able to feel Rachel's love for him.

_"I don't know how this has anything to do with me and Tina." Mike replied, pulling me out of my thoughts. _

_ "What I'm saying is, you don't have to be a star like me, Mike. You can just be you, and if she feels the same, then everything will work out." I beamed. "Sing for her! Make her feel loved." Mike frowned in thought before smiling and wrapping me up in a tight embrace. _

_ "Thank you, Rachel." I was surprised by the hug but didn't hesitate to return it. Mike really was a sweet guy; as far as I was concerned, he hadn't really had a real girlfriend before. Sure, he was on the football team and he was popular, but Mike was way too shy and focused on his academics. Supposedly all the athletes had to keep a contract where their GPA stayed at a three in order to stay on the team. I'm pretty sure Mike…maybe Matt…was the only ones to keep those contracts. Sorry, Puck, Finn…and Sam. How they were never kicked off…whatever. It isn't of my concern._

Rachel was right; they did have to sign a contract every year to keep their grades up. The Cheerios had to as well. Finn had always struggled with his classes, and sometimes his GPA did fall, but lately, he'd really been fighting and studying hard and had managed to keep it a steady 3.0. Rachel would have been very proud.

_I helped Mike with song selection the next day after dance class; we had to make it quick because Finn was picking me up that day, and as we know, Mike had sworn me to secrecy earlier. I think I know why he had; Finn and Artie had always been kind of close. I think Mike was afraid Finn would side with Artie or that it would spark some sort of argument between us. He wasn't half wrong, about me stealing Finn from Quinn. When I told him the truth about her baby, I didn't do it to make everything right in the world. I did it for my own selfish reasons: to make Finn mine. Part of me did feel sorry for Artie, of course; I felt like I was wronging him in yet another way. But from what Mike told me, it seemed like Tina wanted out of the relationship but didn't know how to say it. On top of that, I had noticed from observation that as hard as Artie tried, he wasn't that good of a boyfriend. I saw something in Mike that I knew was good for Tina that Artie just didn't have; and hey, that's not a bad thing that they weren't compatible. Artie is going to find another amazing girl someday, because everyone has a someone._

_ Except for me, of course. Because Sam and I both know he's not my someone. I lost my someone and my chance with them when I kissed Noah. But that's not the point here…we're talking about Mike now._

_ So Mike and I were going through songs and together we picked one out. I told him I would help him rehearse after class the next day, but that I needed to hit the showers and get ready for Finn. Mike begged me to go through it once with him, but I was adamant about being on time for my date. So Mike instead said the he would come by my house later. I was surprised; Mike Chang had only ever been to my house once before, and that was to drop me off after a recital one day. He was so desperate though… and I remembered how I felt when I wanted Finn. So I said yes. _

_ Mike and I rehearsed together for nearly two hours; he had such a beautiful voice. When we were done, I decided to talk to him._

_ "What do you like about Tina?" I asked. Mike smiled and chuckled softly._

_ "Well, what isn't to like?" He was still smiling and that made my heart melt. "I mean, she's beautiful. She's so nice and her personality is unique. She's a great girlfriend to Artie and she's so awesome with the kids at camp. Her voice is perfect, and I can't stop thinking about her."_

_ "What a feeling that must be." I breathed. He chuckled again and shoved me playfully._

_ "Like you don't feel anything similar for Finn."_

_ "Oh, of course I do." I grinned. "It's just…the most he's ever told me is that I'm awesome. And that he loves me." I felt kind of sad in that moment; the way Mike talked about Tina…I wondered if Finn ever talked about me like that. _

_ "He does love you, Rach." Mike reassured me. _

_ "I know." I smiled kind of sadly. "Mike, when you're with Tina…make sure you tell her how you feel, okay? Girls like that."_

_ "What about, like…kissing?" He asked. I snorted._

_ "Oh, Mike, I'm the last person to ask about that."_

_ "Come on, Rachel. You've made out with Puck and Jesse and Finn. Give yourself more credit."_

_ "Way to make me sound like a whore." I scoffed. Mike laughed._

_ "I haven't kissed anyone before." He admitted. This shocked me._

_ "What?"_

_ "Yeah…"_

_ "I thought for sure you would have. You're a jock and all…"_

_ "Well, I've never had a girlfriend. So I haven't really had anyone to kiss."_

_ "Still…"_

_ "Rachel."_

_ "Sorry." I smiled. "Finn and I had our first kiss in the auditorium, right after glee started. We were going to practice and I laid out this little picnic on the stage. We were drinking some virgin cosmos and he was talking to me about how he loved hearing me sing. Then I had some on my lip and he wiped it off…and there was a moment." I shivered, remembering how my heart had raced and face had flushed as I stared into Finn's beautiful eyes. "And I told him he could kiss me if he wanted to. And…he did."_

_ "Wow."_

_ "Of course, yours doesn't have to be as elaborate. Right before regionals we were walking in the hall and he was talking about how he was so inspired to lead the team to victory with me, and I felt something…and I just kissed him."_

_ "So what are you saying?"_

_ "Just be in the moment, Mike. You'll know. And when that moment does come, you will know what to do. There isn't really a real science or art of kissing; it just kind of happens." I grinned and Mike shook his head, smiling._

_ "I never thought I'd come to you about this kind of stuff."_

_ "Me neither." And we laughed. It was nice, being like this with Mike. When he left, I went back up to my room and thought about it for the rest of the night. Other than Noah, I had never really had a guy friend before. And even then, our friendship was as fickle as the weather in Florida. So hanging out with Mike, without any of the drama of hanging out with any of the girls, was just really relaxing._

_ The next day was the day. Mike wouldn't be at dance class because he'd picked up an extra shift as camp counselor with Tina that day at Asian Camp. I texted Mike wishing him good luck but didn't hear back. It was okay though; I knew he had a lot on his mind and that he was probably nervous. I just really hoped that it worked; this was the first advice I'd ever given on love. I really wanted it to be flawless and give Mike what he wanted. _

_I imagined suddenly double dates with Mike, Finn, Tina, and I. I imagined not only keeping Mike as my best guy friend, but maybe even being best friends with Tina. I mentioned earlier how much I wish she and I had been closer because I felt that, deep down, she understood me in a way no one else did. Everyone sort of saw just the surface of who I was: the star born to be on Broadway with her name in shining lights. But I always felt like Tina saw more than just the tip of the iceberg when it came to me. That's why I wanted to be friends with her, but my stupid pride always got in the way. _

_Later that day, I finally received a text from Mike. He was coming to meet me at the dance studio so he told me to wait around. Excited, I agreed. I thought of the possibility of him not showing up, but I knew Mike had more integrity than that. Even if he was pissed because I was wrong (even though we know that I couldn't have been more right), Mike would never stand me up. That's why he was so different from the rest of the jocks; he wasn't an ass._

_ Mike did show up, a few minutes late, but he was there. I smiled at him nervously, but the nerves soon washed away when he came up to me and wrapped me in the tightest embrace, so tight that he lifted me off the ground. I squealed and we both laughed as he then set me back on the ground._

_ "I'm guessing that means it went well?"_

_ "Gosh, Rach, it was perfect! I was so nervous at first, but I did it. I sang and danced for her and bared my soul for her to see right in front of all the kids. I thought she would reject me, because of Artie, but then she walked up to me and…and kissed me!" Mike exclaimed. He was so happy, and I felt myself beam with happiness as well. I was finally right about something. I was finally right and this time, I wasn't the only one that saw it. _

_ "I'm so happy for you, Mike."_

_ "Thank you so much, Rachel." He smiled and hugged me again. "I have to admit, I wasn't sure about asking you at first, because sometimes you get really crazy and obsessive but I knew deep down you were the only person I could go to." I ignored the comment about my being crazy and instead blushed._

_ "Aw…you're welcome, Mike. Anytime. I'm glad I could help." We were quiet for a few moments and then Mike sat down on the steps outside the dance studio. I sat next to him, and we watched the sun set. Then he finally spoke._

_ "You know, Finn is really lucky." He said abruptly. I was startled._

_ "What do you mean?"_

_ "To have you. You're so much cooler than Quinn. You'd never lie to him or hurt him the way she did. Being cheated on and lied to is something hard to recover from, and you brought him back."_

_ "I wouldn't say…"_

_ "You did, Rachel. You brought Finn back. Because you are amazing; you're determined and driven and you have this thing about you, Rachel…star quality. You literally are a star, and you radiant brilliance everywhere you go." Mike smiled and lightly touched my hand. "You're an inspiration, Rachel, and while it may not seem like it, all of us in glee appreciate you and your ideas and you truly do inspire us. You're beautiful, inside and out, and you have an admirable heart and beneath your selfishness, there's a selflessness that can't compare to anyone else I know. And I know you're only selfish because you're determined to get out of here and make something of yourself, and I say go for it. Prove all of them wrong. Because you are a star, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise." It was this huge speech that Mike had given about me…and I know why he did it too. It was because I'd told him the day before how I wished Finn had talked about me like he talked about Tina. He wanted me to know that someone did see me for something other than my craziness or controlling nature. It brought tears to my eyes. I wiped them away and blushed, laughing like it was no big deal._

_ "Thank you." My voice cracked and he smiled._

_ "No problem, Rach." We both stood up at the same time, and he hugged me one last time. As he pulled away, I kissed him softly on the cheek, in a friendly manner as a thank you. He blushed slightly, and then Mike Chang and I parted ways. _

_ School started and the year progressed as normal. Mike and I had schedules far too busy to keep up with one another; he was always with Tina and I was always with Finn. We saw each other in glee, but even then, it was the same. His fingers intertwined with Tina's and mine laced with Finn's. And that's how it always was._

_ Until it wasn't._

_ When I cheated on Finn, everything between Mike and I changed. The entire dynamic. And I know, if you're Kurt, you're probably wondering what dynamic at this point. Our time had passed after Mike's speech to me this summer. But what we had after this summer was an understanding and level of respect for one another. One of the things that Mike had said about me, if you don't recall, is that I was honest. He told me he knew I'd never do to Finn what Quinn had done. But I did, essentially. I kissed Puck to get back at Finn, and hurt him in the same sense that Quinn had hurt him. How was I any better, at this point? Mike is extremely loyal, and Finn was one of his good friends. I'm sure he disliked Quinn after the whole baby drama. After kissing Puck, I had shattered Mike's image of me and instead replaced it with one like Quinn's. I was branded a liar and cheater, in his eyes, and that hurt. It stung, rather, because I'd walk through the hallways and Mike wouldn't even make eye contact with me._

_ Mike admired me. He chose me to give him advice on Tina and their relationship, and I never told him he had to give me credit for any of it…because, well, he didn't. I wouldn't want to give someone else credit for me getting Finn, even though I did that entirely on my own. He trusted me, and looked up to me, and now I was like every other person at this school. I didn't stand out anymore; I wasn't selfless or extraordinary. I was just selfish and dishonest and a huge disappointment._

_ I have to say, I looked up to Mike too. He was just always so together and with it, and he was so talented. Mike had it all, except the girl, and I was the one who helped him get the girl. He saw me how I desperately wanted to see myself, and after telling me that, I felt like it too. When his image of me shattered, my world kind of fell apart too. The illusion I saw of myself broke and all I could see was this shell of a girl…a mistake, liar, disappointment. I felt like I could now see my true form, and Mike had sort of put a veil over it to comfort me. And now that I was seeing this horrible, horrible girl…I couldn't help but wonder if she'd been there all along._

No, Finn thought. Rachel was so perfect; he should have told her that more often. He should have talked to her like Mike had talked to her. She was right about that; for a while, he had only told her that he loved her and called her 'awesome'. But that's only because he was nervous, so nervous, to be around Rachel. He knew that she outshined him; she was way too good for him, though she constantly begged to differ and claimed he was too good for her. He never could find the right words to describe her. Maybe if he had, so much of her confidence wouldn't be riding on what Mike Chang thought of her, and she wouldn't have cared so much about him losing respect for her. He listened, hoping that Rachel knew deep inside that she was not this horrible disappointment she thought she was because he knew she wasn't. Even at her worst, Finn never saw her as a disappointment. Then Rachel spoke.

_ I know now the answer to that is yes._

And the CD stopped spinning.

**So how was it? My epic comeback to fanfiction? Everything you hoped and dreamed it would be? I seriously hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I loved writing it and I thank each and every one of you for standing by me and this story and reminding me, even to this day, to keep writing and update my stories. Hopefully I can get more updates out and finish this in a timely manner for all of you faithful readers ^.^. You can follow me on Twitter at Finntastic17, or follow me on Tumblr at damon-for-life1733. Feel free to message me anytime with ideas or thoughts or concerns, or simply to tell me to get my lazy ass writing again! I love you all, and please REVIEW! Also, take a guess at who's next on our CD list cx your choices are Santana, Emma, and Jesse. **


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